in Featured
Wednesday 5 August 2020
On handling Loss || An Interview with Stella Mpisi
It's the month of August already! I always have some sort of time shock when it's a new month! Like how did we get to four months away from Christmas? Anyway, I have to say I am happy to be starting this month with a very exciting feature.
I am drawn to stories and how they shape people. I want to hear how people are dispossessed or elevated by their experiences so I started digging. And to be honest, I found treasure. I was drawn, excited, cried even, at some things I found.
I was particularly intrigued by Stella's Story. The honesty and openness of it. I binge-read her Blog in one sitting. Her writing style is simple but it will draw diverse and complex emotions out of you, open your eyes to the nuance of what you once considered obvious till you can see the unconventionality of perspectives. Whoosh! I am typing so fast I might go on a spiral and forget the purpose of this blog post.
I reached out to Stella and she responded so warmly and timely. I feel so honoured that she agreed to do this ( I am actually smiling my I am so blessed smile) I am so grateful for this. I learnt a lot from her response and I hope you will too.
Let's meet Stella
I became an orphan when I was ten years old.
I am so glad to have you here please introduce yourself?
I became an orphan when I was ten years old.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. My name is Stella Mpisi, a Congolese-born South African writer. I became an orphan when I was ten years old. Both my parents died on the same day. My experiences with orphanhood are what inspire most of what I write.
The more I grew up, the more I realized that I was different from South African natives,
What was it like growing up in South Africa?
Growing up in South Africa was both interesting and challenging. On the one hand, it was interesting to be a part of such a diverse nation. Being exposed to people of different racial backgrounds, cultures and religions was intriguing. However, there was always a sense of disconnect when it came to certain issues. The more I grew up, the more I realized that I was different from South African natives, even to those who looked like me. As a child, I did not know how to embrace both cultures as being a part of me. I often hid my Congolese identity out of pure ignorance or out of shame of being different.
Have you received any push back in terms of sharing your journey with people, have you had anyone try to measure your grief and tell you that you are supposed to just move on?
Very often! The biggest pushback I have received is from family and friends. People misinterpret my writing for being a sign that I am stuck in the past. They do not quite understand that grief is a journey and that I’ve chosen writing to explore and navigate it. It is not a destination to be “stuck in”.
I lived in denial for many years,
How did it feel losing your both parents on the same day and what was the most defining moment in that for you?
The feeling was of sheer disbelief and confusion. At ten years old it had never occurred to me that that was even possible. I lived in denial for many years, even after seeing both my parents in their coffins at the funeral. At the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that God had made a mistake and that my parents would come back somehow. I guess the most defining moment for me was when I finally let go of denial and accepted things for what they were.
In a recent post, you talked about being an orphan bride and how you were able to navigate through it, in that light how do you handle disappointments and what advice do you have for anyone who feels sad that their expectations were cut short.
I think with time and age I have learnt that life is not a straight line. The first step to handling disappointments is understanding that events do not define you and learning to get up when you fall. Another important thing is that you have to understand that problems come and go (no one lives a perfect life) and what matters is not the problem itself, but how you react to it. Your reaction or lack thereof determines the rest of your journey.
My mistake was that I relied on religion and religious principles and not so much of spirituality and my actual relationship with “the unknown”.
You mentioned giving up on God at some point, how did that feel + do you think having a spiritual life is important in handling Loss?
Wow! This is an interesting question. After my parents died, I held on to God with all my strength. I didn’t blame God for any of the things that were happening to me. I relied on prayer to survive. But after many years, I got tried and questioned everything. Life just didn’t make sense anymore and I lost all faith. How could God be so good to some and yet just abandon me? I felt empty. I think spirituality does indeed help with handling loss. My mistake was that I relied on religion and religious principles and not so much of spirituality and my actual relationship with “the unknown”. I believe that spirituality has no rules and is about you as an individual and the individual relationship you have with God. That relationship is very important when it comes to grief.
You have had to Isolate yourself at some point and try to hide your pain. How effective was that in itself and do you think hiding from pain is a solution for grief?
For me, I think isolating myself was needed. I think isolation comes with the territory. However, I don’t think that hiding from pain is a solution. I had to go through that period of isolation to focus on myself and to understand that I needed to address my pain. That’s the “phase” I am in right now. I think it is important to mention that grief is not a problem you find a solution to. People grieve because they love. You don’t just stop loving someone because they are no longer alive, so you never really stop grieving. That is why I believe in positive grief.
Did pity from friends and family contribute to the length and intensity of your grief.
Most definitely. I can’t stand pity. It makes me cringe. I understand that people mean well, but pity has always made me feel “less than”.
Has being an orphan affected motherhood for you, any life lessons?
Oh yes! Becoming a mother changes, you and I think going through that change without a mom is one of the most difficult things I have had to go through. My daughter is almost two years old now and the most important motherless motherhood lesson I have learnt thus far is that of being a positive example for my child so that she can look up to me even when I will no longer be on this Earth.
Without writing I don’t think I’d be anywhere near the level of healing I have reached today.
You mentioned writing as a coping mechanism, how was that like and where are you in your writing journey.
Writing helped me through many obstacles. It is almost like I am able to escape the troubles of the world and pour my emotions and thoughts down on paper. Without writing I don’t think I’d be anywhere near the level of healing I have reached today. Apart from my blog I am currently working on a fiction novel in honour of my mother. I’m super excited about that!
“there are as many ways to grieve as there are people on Earth”. Everyone is different.
How would you advise people to handle loss and the pain that comes with it, is there like a rule book?
There is no rule book whatsoever. I read somewhere that “there are as many ways to grieve as there are people on Earth”. Everyone is different. What I can say, however, is that it is important to have a support system and to learn to take care of your mental health.
Do you ever outgrow the need for having your parents + advise for young people who want to hurry up and just be independent?
I think being independent and needing your parents are two different things. With every important life experience, I feel the need to just pick up the phone and call my mom and dad. The relationship between parent and child does not end when the child becomes socially and financially independent.
How has loss affected your relationship with people?
I have serious trust issues and I am somewhat anti-social. For many years I lost all trust in mankind. With time I am slowly rehabilitating the social aspect of my being. It’s an uphill battle.
Give us two fun / random things about you?
I LOVE rapping. I can rap several Eminem songs from start to finish! LOL. Also, I hate the smell and taste of the coffee.
I learnt so much from this and I know you did too. What are your takeouts from this post? How do you handle loss? Let's chat in the comments + Stella would love to reply you. If you have any suggestions or people you want me to feature tell me and we'll make it happen. Love ya!
PIN THIS
Thursday 23 July 2020
HOW THE CASSIE DAVES BLOG PLANNER CHANGED MY BLOGGING GAME
This planner literally put my head in the game. Before I continue, let me just say that Cassie Daves is so amazing, her creativity, curation, style and work ethic just inspires you to start and make the most of what you have. I am not kidding when I say I visit her blog at least twice every day.
The delivery of this planner was relatively quick. I was so excited because I have had bad luck with deliveries in the past but this one came signed sealed and delivered, tailor-made to cater to all blogging and content curation needs, the delivery guy was handsome, not that you asked but anyway. The Cassie Daves blog planner is not just a planner, it is a guide. Holding it in my hands was an absolute dream.
The beautiful thing about this blog planner is that it can be used by anyone for diverse purposes, you don't have to be a blogger or content creator to use it. It is great for journaling and keeping track of growth as an individual, plus it's so classy.
I remember getting questions from people on how I got it whenever I brought it out to use so trust me to carry it everywhere.
From the features of the blog, you can tell that the planner was made with precision, Cassie paid attention to detail.
When I got the planner I started to question all my intentions, like why did I really create my blog in the first place? Do I have a community/ audience? There were questions on the first page like "who do you write for?" "What is your aim?" it made me sit down and actually think of how to create value. I felt dragged, to be honest.
Unlike other planners, I have seen or downloaded from the internet, the Cassie Daves blog planner stands out for me. It provides a workable format for you to follow in terms of setting goals and promoting your blog on all social media platforms.
It points you to websites that make your content creation process seamless. It even goes on to teach you how to structure and arrange your blog posts, how, when and where to share your posts.
The planner is a whole master class! I was completely stunned when I saw the tips on how to collab with brands on the planner, like could blogging get any merrier, If this isn't premium content then I don't what is.
My favourite features from the Cassie Daves blog planner are
1. The to-do list
If you are a very impulsive person like me then this will help keep you in check. You just have to write down everything you need to do for the day and tick it off as you go.
2. The quotes/ affirmation page
It is just refreshing and motivating to read and remind yourself of what is truly important. Some of the quotes relate to a present struggle and when you read it, it hits different.
I don't know about you but I like to flip the pages and see words like " never stop choosing joy" "own your magic" and my all-time favourite "do epic shit" ( this one has a tee-shirt, you can shop here )
3. The blog post ideas and goals page
Content creators are in the habit of writing down a ton of ideas without a plan or action in place to implement those ideas. This page makes you think of practical steps to ensure your idea come to light.
There is an actionable steps page where you can outline steps and actions you need to take to your blog to the next level.
4. The blog post calendar and social media posting schedule
This helps in scheduling your post, so you have a time frame to work with. It helps you stay consistent on social media and your blog. The last thing you want to do is not to show up for your community and watch the numbers reduce.
5. Blog review and stats page
This is for taking stock, more like a reflection page to enable you document how far you have come and the areas of improvement to take cognisance of. It is an overview of your blog/ social media growth. Eg you could take note of the number of shares, views etc.
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| I and this planner have been through thick and thin. It is very durable. |
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| Other Cool colours!! |
I hundred per cent recommend this planner for everyone. If you keep diaries or journals you need this, so step it up a notch and get the Cassie Daves blog planner or note pad. There is a discount on the planner now, you can check it out here.
To know more about Cassie Daves and to shop the Cassie Daves blog planner visit her blog and online shop.
Do you think planning and journaling are important? Are you team write down the vision and make it plain or team everything dey my head? Tell me.
Thursday 11 June 2020
10 INSTAGRAM PAGES YOU SHOULD FOLLOW TO BOOST YOUR CREATIVITY
I am sure you've probably heard the "you are always pressing your phone" talk from either friend or family.
I mean, you should really cut down on your screen time because let's be honest if you are not making money or being productive with your phone, why spend so much time on it( this is the part where you look at me and say look who is talking lol) because all of us are on this table.
Well, I spend a lot of time on Instagram and it has really helped to squeeze creative juices out of me, I am more than grateful for it.
Here are Instagram pages that offer value and BOOST your creativity
OLOTU FUNKE
This page will teach you everything from female empowerment to body positivity, skincare, branding, photography tips, and much more. You can't visit her page and not learn something to improve your wellbeing or brand. Her blog is even more amazing. I am not exaggerating when I say I visit olotufunke.com every day. She embodies womanhood in a way that gives courage. It is too awesome.
SALEM KING
Salem is the great teacher, his page is such an inspiration. He gives you valuable information without mincing words. The only motivational speaker I know who doesn't do acquire to expire to retire. If you want tips on how to grow and be a better human being and you like fried yam. Follow Salem!
I have seen salem summarize in a one minute video what someone couldn't do in 10 minutes. Salem is the truth, creating content that respects your time and is worth your while.
TRIBECALLEDENA
This tribe was founded by Everythingnaart All I will say is follow this page and join the community! I became more intentional about blogging and trying to grow my Instagram by following this instagram page. You get to meet and connect with creators doing amazing things with their creativity, you receive job alerts, useful Emails with free resources and Ebooks, now how cool is that. Ok I am going to stop here! #enatribe rocks. I am proud triber.
EVERYTHINGNAART
She is the founder of tribecalledena. Her page is a whole institution, what! She inspires me to fuel my passion for media and content creation. Amin is a content creator per excellence. You cannot follow her page and not be rebranded. You get video and app recommendations, tutorials, hacks and tips for growth on social media( not just Instagram) and lots more. She has a cute son goodjoyayo who would give you live nuggets that will blow your mind. I love him!
THE BLACK WRITER
The black writer is a Christian creative, a brand storyteller, and a social media strategist per excellence among other things. She is a perfect definition of a lifestyle influencer. Her page is literally a form of healing, you visit it and you suddenly want to glorify God with your creativity.
She sends amazing letters, free Ebooks, and offers free phone call bookings just to pray with you and advice you( I am getting emotional) This is what I call premium content with divine approval, Follow her! Don't be slacking.
HEROATSBOAL
Follow this amazing page created by the amazing Asakemi if you want to see how oat meal transforms into all forms of deliciousness. This page make ditch ice cream and candy for oat meal. She is my Oat making inspiration, she has other sumptuous recipes on her Instagram page. If you are vegan she has the right meal plan for you. Asakemi is her personal page and it explores nature and minimalism at it's finest.
Hisbrownpoet
I can't even scream this enough, this page will teach you that 'Nah, I can't afford to be mediocre' her editing skills are top-notch and her captions are fire. She is an amazing writer, so follow her page for details on how to get her book. I love how I see Europe because I see them through her photos. She is fashion, style, travel, poetry & photography personified. I love her and you will too.
SIAINSTYLE
She is all things vintage, fashion and style. Follow her for style, photography and editing tips. Her put together is just so crisp, curated and unique I love it.
Visit her blog at siainstyle.com then share your testimony because you will testify.
LAURETTAHAMZA
I discovered lauretta when she was the community manager for tribecalledena and since then I have simply adored her. Her voice caught my attention during her tutorials on the tribes page. I have not regretted following. She is doing amazing things in health and technology. She is selfless and goal-driven in a way that will inspire you.
If you are into anything health, tech or media related Lauretta is your plug. She is the E.D for the Chsscheme, a youth led organization that fortifies health systems in marginalized communities.
If you are into anything health, tech or media related Lauretta is your plug. She is the E.D for the Chsscheme, a youth led organization that fortifies health systems in marginalized communities.
THE DIGITAL TINKER
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This page will teach you everything you need to know about boosting your Instagram engagement, creating quality content by providing and simplifying the use of various apps and websites. This page is literally a gold mine. When I am confused on how to use any app , create a graphic design, or video content. I ask the digital thinker and you should too.
This is the end, thank you for coming to my ted talk, now you can press phone with your chest and not feel guilty for not being productive because these pages offer value.
Follow them if you aren't already, recommend other amazing page's in the comments and when you follow, tell them you are from here. Cheers!
Do you think Instagram is a distraction?
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