in Issues
Tuesday 21 July 2020
CURSE OF THE ABC CHILD BY NWALIOBA EMMANUEL
I am haunted by the cries of the deadAnd the struggles of the living,
CURSE OF THE ABC CHILD
I am scared of home,
The one place i find serene,
Away from the temper of the scorching sun,
The stench emitted from the heart of men,
And every other rotten breaks
Evolved from the surface of genesis.
The soles of my feet are never perceived
By the soil of blood and water
Unless my shanty runs out of supplies.
My simplicity entices the eyes of the mysterious,
And my life, a pandora's box.
I am haunted by the cries of the dead
And the struggles of the living,
Their voices have now become
An entertainment to my ears.
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My stare says i love you,Her smile says i love you too.Words weren't said
VACATION
The sky almost white.
Traces of blue.
A sunny day.
We sit side by side
Like Simba and kopa
Watching the sunset.
My lungs fill with O2
Mixed with cologne
And a glass of fine wine.
The atmosphere blends so fine
I could feel my legs swing
To a rhythmical pattern.
Her legs swing too.
The view from up here spells poetic.
Men, women and children play in the water,
Running to shore each time the sea gets too excited.
Flocks of birds take off from trees,
Racing against each other like a medal awaits the first runner.
My stare says i love you,
Her smile says i love you too.
Words weren't said.
I am like an adopted puppy secluded from the love of the mother and roof of the father.
MORE THAN BLACK AND WHITE
I am without mother and father,
The last of my kind.
The circle of love that surrounds me dwindles away along with the dance of the wind.
My world slumps like an angel stripped of its wings into a space filled with solitude,
Gently choking in it like a wrecked ship,
Slowly losing the sight of light, consumed by the fog of darkness.
I am like an adopted puppy secluded from the love of the mother and roof of the father.
I hear the echo of what sounds like the voice of my mother.
My name radiating from all corners of the earth, round and round.
Take me by the hand, your father is waiting for you; the voice said.
I am like a sadly terrified puppy lost in the middle of the woods,
Dying to run back into the warm arms of the mother.
ABOUT THE POET
What was your favorite Poem from the collection and why?
You can connect with the Poet on
Instagram @the.chokolate.guy
Twitter @thechokolateguy
Saturday 18 July 2020
3 Things you should never say to anyone after the lockdown
This is a guide to help you not to attract curses for yourself. We are all looking forward to the end of this pandemic so that we can return to our normal lives without fear. It's been roughly three months and a lot of people have not seen each other since the lockdown.
It is normal to anticipate and have expectations about each other but let us be civilised. It is important that we consider people's feelings. Remember it's a pandemic we went in for, not a life master class, a vacation or summer body camp.
We are human and our feelings are valid, it doesn't make sense for anybody to make another person feel bad about anything this period. There is power in the tongue o! I know some of us Africans are savage by default. Some of us don't even know that these things are wrong. So I am here to help you. In case you don't know what I am talking about. I have created a 3 step guide for you.
Here are three things you should not say to anyone when you see them after the Lockdown
1. You have added/lost weight / or any other comment about peoples bodies.
If you just say you are looking good or fresh, you won't die I promise. The gods won't send you to the evil forest if you just avoid making comments about people's weight.
Trust me everybody has a mirror and when it comes to weight loss or weight gain people's goals differ, it is an emotional journey for some people. Imagine body shamming a woman with PCOS( polycystic ovarian syndrome) one of the symptoms/ effects of it is excessive weight gain. You don't know the struggle such a person has had to go through.
So just zip it before you demoralize somebody.
Coronavirus has messed up our mental health, do not turn your mouth into an assistant virus. Shalom!
Coronavirus has messed up our mental health, do not turn your mouth into an assistant virus. Shalom!
2. Did you even achieve anything this Lockdown?
Kpele o Albert einstein. See eh, its a pandemic not a productivity contest. Everybody is dealing with things differently. While I agree that this is a good time to discover yourself, read books and make money online if you have the means and resources, I also think that we should not judge people or put undue pressure on them for not striving to become the next big thing. Let's give ourselves grace.
It is natural to crave self-gratification and accolades. It is okay to want a pat on the back sometimes, just don't do it out of spite or comparison.
Life is not a thug of war. There is space for all of us. Ask others how they are, how they are feeling, how they got through the Corona period. Heck, some people could not even feed.
We know you went over and beyond, more power to you, just don't make anybody feel less by trying to downplay or weigh your effort with theirs. This too shall pass, let's just be civilised.
We know you went over and beyond, more power to you, just don't make anybody feel less by trying to downplay or weigh your effort with theirs. This too shall pass, let's just be civilised.
3. Me too / my own was even worse.
Well done o! Mr Experience. I understand that you want to empathise and you want to relate to everything after all this pandemic hit all of us. But note that it hit us differently. when someone is relating their woes to you resist the urge to make it about you.
Listen first and show concern before you tell them how your own house was on fire. It's hard, but it is doable. If you seriously wanted to talk about it, then you should have opened up first. This thing is not a competition, there is no prize for the most miserable Lockdown experience. Just be present and offer assistance anyway you can.
Listen first and show concern before you tell them how your own house was on fire. It's hard, but it is doable. If you seriously wanted to talk about it, then you should have opened up first. This thing is not a competition, there is no prize for the most miserable Lockdown experience. Just be present and offer assistance anyway you can.
PIN THIS
Thank you, stay safe and resist the urge to shalaye! Please if you have any more suggestions or opinions, let's party in the comments.
Wednesday 8 July 2020
FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE A DISASTER!
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| Illustration by Reyna Noriega |
I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I noticed something interesting about my life( so this post is purely born out of personal experience) About 80 per cent of the emotional, physical and financial support I receive come from the women in my life. It made me so glad to be able to squash the ‘’women don’t support women narrative.’’ My friend believes that Female Friendships are a disaster and that it comes with so much baggage.
I know a lot of females who would rather have male friends as close friends or keep more male friends. This is because according to them, women are too much drama. There is unnecessary competition over male attention; there are disagreements that last longer than they are supposed to. Guys just punch each other and get it over with. It is just different for women.
While I admit that some of these are true, I maintain, that to a large extent female friendships are a necessity. I can't speak so much for male friendships, it doesn't receive the type of backlash female friendships receive, even though, the ‘’bro code’’ is a concept I strongly suggest should be re-examined as it is becoming a haven for the unsafe and unacceptable behaviours of men. We will rant this rant another day.
Why Female Friendships are Important
They can simply relate in a way male friends can’t: when you go through stuff as a girl/ woman both physically and emotionally, you want empathy and not sympathy, in that you need someone who not only understands how you feel but has felt that way too. E.g. you can’t even explain cramps to yourself - the pain is like your entire reproductive organs are at war and the weapons of the warfare are pepper, hair clips and a grinding machine - let alone to your male friends.
How do you tell someone who doesn’t have breasts that your breasts feel heavy or uncomfortable sometimes? I don’t know about you but I like it when my sorry comes with an ‘’I feel you’’ type of support.
They are less judgemental: Hold on, before you bite me. There are some emotions you feel that make you take some decisions and actions that you end up regretting. You need someone with a mind as dynamic as your own to understand this behaviour.
Think of the heart to heart talk you have with your female friends, it’s like an unravelling, you explore things that are deeply personal, you literally feel the connection in the conversation. There is a kind of vulnerability and acceptance that you receive; it is a different kind of vibe.
If you went to a boarding school remember those nights that you gather in a circle and just share experiences. It is almost divine to witness a group of women who unburden themselves and have a good time. You can't get that type of feeling with the opposite sex.
They help defy stereotypes: Nothing beats having a group of formidable and reliable female friends. It is so empowering to know that you have a tribe of people who are like you, have faced similar struggles and are thriving regardless.
It helps narrow the narrative that women never want each other to succeed or that we are materialistic and always seek male validation. Society already puts a lot of pressure on women so having each other’s back makes us stronger.
PIN THIS
Tips to maintain/ create Female Friendships
Check up on each other often: Attention is important, find a way to constantly communicate. It could be planning a trip, a zoom monthly check-in, occasional phone calls or texts etc.
I have a female friend that I really adore and we could spend hours talking on the phone and not run out of things to say, if I am not calling her, I am thinking of calling her. It feels too good. My best girls and I have a WhatsApp group called ‘’wives and girlfriends’’ it’s so important to me. It is a safe space where I can say anything and not be judged.
When something good or bad happens to me, the first place I want to share it is on that group; the crazy girls that are there probably don’t know how much they mean to me lol.
Learn to Engage with women both online and offline: Don’t only put yourself in a position to be toasted by guys, do that for women too. Meet them, show interest in their work, it matters. I met one of my most appreciated Female Friends at an event, I walked up to her and said hi and we got talking; now she is my G. There are so many instances I could give but you get the point.
Have you experienced any friendship drama? share the gist, please!
I do understand that some Females are daughters of Jezebel. It is not easy to handle the hurt and betrayal from female friends. Agh! It can pain. but the same goes for men. Scum has no gender. Don’t put the entire weight on women, female friendships are not a disaster.
There are still strong and supportive women who don’t gossip or compete for the attention of men. It is important for men and women to complement each other, after all, we share the world. I still maintain that nobody gets you like your own kind. Nobody gets a female like a female!
Do you have more female/male friends?
What is the reason for your preference?
Tuesday 12 May 2020
SKIN: A PRODUCT OF DIVINITY'S FINEST BLACKSMITH
SKIN
I don't know what they mean
When they say
We are like clay in the hands of the potter
This skin on our bones
Is not a thing muddy hands can create
We are made from diamond pieces
Our teeth, silver coated
Our eyebrows like lashes made of natural silk
We are the product of divinities finest blacksmith
If we are dust
Then it must be gold dust
We carry the ancient ancestry of roots and culture on our skin
An age-long continuity of fore glory
We glow our way out of stereotypes
We are the true type
Something too heavy for libraries to document
We are more than research papers.
Our stories are solid on rocks
A treasure for mines
We are too heavy a heritage
For any continent to define
Call us brown
Call us back
We are the flavor of the earth
The reason the sun is too afraid to burn
Call it melanin if you will
This skin is not a thing mortals can comprehend
We can't explain to them
That black is not a color
It's a badge of honor
So if they want to understand the races this
Skin has won
The single stories it had turned to diversity
Then they must
Ask the gatekeeper of mother nature
we are not clay in the potter's hands
We are a product of divinities finest blacksmith.
BLEACH
When they ask you to bleach your skin
Ask them how long they will soak a hand full of sand into a bucket of detergent
Before they realize it was not Picasso that gave it colour
Ask them how long they will peel their tone
Before they understand that purity is not a virtue that is visible on skin surfaces
Tell them that if they wanted to challenge
Their bones to a whitenicious contest
They should simply donate themselves to a primary school science laboratory
Tell them that your skin is vintage
A dark-toned sepia
That this outward covering
Is more than skin
It is the identity of foremothers before you and after
The color of earth and soil for growing
Tell them this is the color of progress
What English vocabulary means by thick skin
The only kind of coco that does not taint tongues
The type worthy of syllables of praise
Embrace this blackness
It is the only type that is not
A metaphor for actual darkness
It is light for a path of identity to thrive
So when they ask you
Just tell them
Tell them.
Follow this Amazing dark skinned beauty. She makes lovely wigs and it is shockingly affordable. Don't say I didn't do anything for you o
Thursday 7 May 2020
LESSONS I LEARNT FROM MY EXES AND FRIENDS
I know that by the heading a lot of you came here to hear how one Jaja from opobo broke my heart. You came for the tea. I laugh in all things cupid. Far be it from me to disappoint you. I will make it worth your while but everything is not about man okay.
Friendships are very important to me. like I am literally a reflection of my friends so I am mindful of people I consider close-knit. I think its time we all familiarise ourselves with the term acquaintance. Not every hello I am Grace from Abia is your friend. The fact that you have spoken a few times and laughed at the same jokes doesn't mean you are now soul brothers and sisters.
Friendships can die, it can grow cold no matter the number of years put into it and it's totally okay. Life just happened and you grew up ( or not because maybe the other person just chose to ghost you) either ways it has not brought out the cure for corona so just move on okay.
This post is not to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do o neither is it friendship 101 master class. This is just my observation from Exes and friends yes I have exes, ex-friends, ex-colleagues, ex group members (resist the urge to roll your eyes please.)
7 lessons from my friends and exes
Resist the urge to be entitled:
Sweetheart, see eh nobody owes you anything. Your friends are out here trying to be your friends, not your lord and personal savior. There are not going to supply all your needs. Stop the 'don’t you know you are supposed to call me( except of course you are buying the airtime) or I called and you didn’t pick( kpele o Oprah Winfrey) or one that most recently happened to me so you knew I was online and you didn’t chat me up( this one hit home)'
I am not trying to make excuses for friends who don’t show up because a friend in need is a friend indeed. I am just saying that lean on me no be press me die.
Show up for your friends:
I don’t care what your love language is but act of service should be a compulsory love language in your friendship. It is not enough to post wcw and mcm on your Whatsapp status. Be there. Let your presence be evident in their lives.A very special friend of mine taught me this and all she did was show up for me all the time and I got the memo that aunty it’s not all about hugs and word of mouth. Be there! If they sell stuff try to patronize them or if you are broke help them market and advertise it. Whatever it is they are doing show support.
Your besty Is not my besty:
If you are close friends with someone and they are vulnerable enough to tell you their business. Please dear, when you meet that your other close friend which is not your close friend's close friend, Zip it. It truly is not and can never be rocket science. Know your boundaries. It's okay for your friend to have other friends. Even if you don't like them.Understand each other’s triggers:
It's normal to yab and make fun of each other as friends but please know where to draw the line. I have been guilty of overstepping my boundaries. I now have sense. If your friend is insecure about weight don’t call him/her orobo in public, if they are broke, don’t take them to the canteen and say pick the drink let me pay, I know you don't have money( I have seen this one life).If they don’t like having conversations outside, don’t drag them into your circle of interest and be shouting talk now( I have done this one to somebody before, it wasn’t funny when I received sense) And please don't be too sensitive as a friend. Learn to take a simple joke and understand that sarcasm is a love language( I speak it fluently by the way)
Learn to communicate your feelings to your friends:
Trust me if your friends wanted to be soothsayers and interpreters they know where to sign up. So speak if you feel hurt by their actions. Carrying face will only give you wrinkles. Some of us even go silent and expect to be begged( when I am not your life partner, lol, I am kidding, I am heavily on this table)
Not all friendships last forever:
Well except the smell of your poop when visitors are coming. Let me be serious. The fact that you have been friends from your mother's womb doesn’t make you inseparable. Even Siamese twins can be separated ask ben Carson.When you start to feel uncomfortable or being friends just doesn’t feel right anymore unfriend each other. Sometimes you notice you have drifted apart and you don’t know how it happened. Don’t worry it’s the universe saving you from further heartbreak or not but you get the point. Plus if you are the only one making the effort, check that friendship. Don’t beg for attention anyone who is intentional about you will attend to you.
Show appreciation to your friends:
Granted, they are your friends and you have come a long way but a thank you will do and it's not hard to say, don’t trivialize the love and care. make your friend feel seen. Say I love you, be reciprocal. It won't make you any less human.
I had a conversation with someone who said all this mushiness is for ladies and guys don't need it or do it. That your G is your G period. Do you agree?
This tea I just spilled can apply if you are dating too or so I hear.
If you have any other lessons share with me, plus I’d love to hear your opinions on this. Do you have bad friends you still keep or friends who make you uncomfortable but you still call them friend and why ( I have them too, let's chat in the comments)
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| As you can see. I am having fun with the gifs why didn't I discover it sooner. |
Thursday 2 April 2020
SOCIAL DISTANCING MEASURES YOU MUST TAKE
Welcome to today’s episode of I have come to judge you. but before I start. let me just beg you to stay safe this Coronavirus period.
I would have done a proper research on this Corona thing for you but I watched a video of people dying in Italy, it was as if the god of death had summoned them for altar call so I decided to leave it for the courageous. I know now the reason God drove me to the Arts because Lord! Medicine is not for the faint-hearted. Shout out to Doctors all over the world.
Now please while we are confined to our homes what are you doing with your time. I hope you are not becoming a couch potato or a bed warmer. I hope Netflix is not the only thing you are using to chill. I hope you have not become a bedfellow?
Remember a time you said you wanted to do a lot of things but your excuse was ‘’I don’t have time’’ now that you have all the time what have you achieved. The human brain, I think loves to adapt and rest. So there is a hundred percent chance you will come out of this social distancing period valueless.
Yes, I know the world is going through a pandemic and you are allowed to panic be a couch potato. This post, however, is for people who want to be productive while social distancing.
Think for a moment what have you with it. Yes, 2020 has been crazy. Nobody asked for it but now that we are here please utilize it.
You will be here people will come out of this period with their published books, released songs or they would have done something instrumental to the fulfillment of their purpose and aspirations.
For students like me, you will hear all your friends shouting ‘’I am bored’’ #sleeping all day. I laugh, it is not that your friends or mine are deceivers, Just know that most of them are coming out of this Corona break with finished course outlines and finished textbooks. Don’t play yourself. Read.
If there is anything I love and hate about our generation. It is that we have so much knowledge but we lack wisdom. This is a wake-up call, use this time and discover your passion, your forte, etc. I am not even limiting this to talent.
Explore the things you never thought possible. Start to do them. Time flies, we are already in April and before you say jack Robinson this break will be over even if it is for 3 months.
I am not an expert at dishing Advice but I just thought it wise to tell you that not everybody is resting this period some of us are thinking and doing. See, it's social distancing not an avenue for time-wasting. It is quarantine, not an avenue to waste your time.
Stand up! I don’t know about you but one of my goals is to come out of this Isolation period with the weight I used to Enter it, so its little progress but I skip at least thrice a week. You are my community so I shared this with you, just to tell you that you can choose anything. It can be working on your speech or learning how to laugh more.
Tell me any new progress or lifestyle change you have made this period. It doesn't have to be drastic. It is the little things because I want you to make it a Habit. You could decide to read 2 pages of your novel or school book a day or practice one skill you are bad at. It could be anything really.
Since stores are not open you can visit my post on Why you should not +reading habits and mediums for Ebook ideas
I just don’t want you to come out of COVID_19 worse than you were when you got in. it was during the ASUU STRIKE in 2018 that I realized that writing is what I will do long term. It was also the year. I wrote the most and won most of my writing awards. In periods of isolation, discoveries are made.
Here is my poem for you. To remind you of who you are.
Dear reader,
Have you looked at your palms?
How the lines grace it
crossing and crossing
Like tiny branches on a tree
Reader
Look at it now
Do you know nothing can break these lines
Even when your palm is broken?
Reader
Divinity drew these lines and
Only divinity can erase it
Reader, we are like lines drawn
on the palm of this world
And though the world be broken
We must make our mark
We must still cross parts
We must bind ourselves
together till we bond
We must be visible
Reader only divinity can erase us
Not sickness, not weakness,
Not an infant virus
You are too visible to vanish
Too important to be impoverished
But reader
Dormant lines do not lead to any path
Dormant lines are useless to a broken palm
Reader
I don't have many words for you
But I know the universe expels uselessness
And the palm is hollow without its lines
I also know that anything that doesn't
Move is stagnant
And stagnancy oozes
The World is already oozing don't be
Part of the waste!
If you want to read more on coronavirus click THIS it is an article by my very resourceful friend Nwokpor Collins. It's all you need to know.
Now please while we are confined to our homes what are you doing with your time. I hope you are not becoming a couch potato or a bed warmer. I hope Netflix is not the only thing you are using to chill. I hope you have not become a bedfellow?
Why social distancing affects your time
Remember a time you said you wanted to do a lot of things but your excuse was ‘’I don’t have time’’ now that you have all the time what have you achieved. The human brain, I think loves to adapt and rest. So there is a hundred percent chance you will come out of this social distancing period valueless.
Yes, I know the world is going through a pandemic and you are allowed to panic be a couch potato. This post, however, is for people who want to be productive while social distancing.
Social distancing strategies to employ
This blog post is for you and me don’t worry. I told this hard truth to myself as well. I now understand that in this life you will never have time for anything, rather you create time for everything. Think about it, when you were working or going to school, you were even more productive. You created time for Important things. Right now you have a lot of time you did not ask for or create.Think for a moment what have you with it. Yes, 2020 has been crazy. Nobody asked for it but now that we are here please utilize it.
You will be here people will come out of this period with their published books, released songs or they would have done something instrumental to the fulfillment of their purpose and aspirations.
For students like me, you will hear all your friends shouting ‘’I am bored’’ #sleeping all day. I laugh, it is not that your friends or mine are deceivers, Just know that most of them are coming out of this Corona break with finished course outlines and finished textbooks. Don’t play yourself. Read.
If there is anything I love and hate about our generation. It is that we have so much knowledge but we lack wisdom. This is a wake-up call, use this time and discover your passion, your forte, etc. I am not even limiting this to talent.
Explore the things you never thought possible. Start to do them. Time flies, we are already in April and before you say jack Robinson this break will be over even if it is for 3 months.
I am not an expert at dishing Advice but I just thought it wise to tell you that not everybody is resting this period some of us are thinking and doing. See, it's social distancing not an avenue for time-wasting. It is quarantine, not an avenue to waste your time.
Set social distancing goals
Stand up! I don’t know about you but one of my goals is to come out of this Isolation period with the weight I used to Enter it, so its little progress but I skip at least thrice a week. You are my community so I shared this with you, just to tell you that you can choose anything. It can be working on your speech or learning how to laugh more.
Make a lifestyle change while social distancing
Tell me any new progress or lifestyle change you have made this period. It doesn't have to be drastic. It is the little things because I want you to make it a Habit. You could decide to read 2 pages of your novel or school book a day or practice one skill you are bad at. It could be anything really.Since stores are not open you can visit my post on Why you should not +reading habits and mediums for Ebook ideas
I just don’t want you to come out of COVID_19 worse than you were when you got in. it was during the ASUU STRIKE in 2018 that I realized that writing is what I will do long term. It was also the year. I wrote the most and won most of my writing awards. In periods of isolation, discoveries are made.
Sometimes isolation allows God to mold you into a person fit for his purpose. It is not punishment it is preparation - Bishop Td Jakes.
Here is my poem for you. To remind you of who you are.
Dear reader,
Have you looked at your palms?
How the lines grace it
crossing and crossing
Like tiny branches on a tree
Reader
Look at it now
Do you know nothing can break these lines
Even when your palm is broken?
Reader
Divinity drew these lines and
Only divinity can erase it
Reader, we are like lines drawn
on the palm of this world
And though the world be broken
We must make our mark
We must still cross parts
We must bind ourselves
together till we bond
We must be visible
Reader only divinity can erase us
Not sickness, not weakness,
Not an infant virus
You are too visible to vanish
Too important to be impoverished
But reader
Dormant lines do not lead to any path
Dormant lines are useless to a broken palm
Reader
I don't have many words for you
But I know the universe expels uselessness
And the palm is hollow without its lines
I also know that anything that doesn't
Move is stagnant
And stagnancy oozes
The World is already oozing don't be
Part of the waste!
And because I love Trevor noah. Watch this
If you want to read more on coronavirus click THIS it is an article by my very resourceful friend Nwokpor Collins. It's all you need to know.
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