Why Female Friendships are Important

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Tips to maintain/ create Female Friendships

Do you have more female/male friends? 

Illustration by Petra Eriksson

We will talk about friendship today and you just might hear man gist one day. Lol.
Friendships are very important to me. like I am literally a reflection of my friends so I am mindful of people I consider close-knit. I think its time we all familiarise ourselves with the term acquaintance. Not every hello I am Grace from Abia is your friend. The fact that you have spoken a few times and laughed at the same jokes doesn't mean you are now soul brothers and sisters.

Friendships can die, it can grow cold no matter the number of years put into it and it's totally okay.  Life just happened and you grew up ( or not because maybe the other person just chose to ghost you) either ways it has not brought out the cure for corona so just move on okay.

This post is not to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do o neither is it friendship 101 master class. This is just my observation from Exes and friends yes I have exes, ex-friends, ex-colleagues, ex group members (resist the urge to roll your eyes please.)

7 lessons from my friends and exes

Resist the urge to be entitled:

 Sweetheart, see eh nobody owes you anything. Your friends are out here trying to be your friends, not your lord and personal savior. There are not going to supply all your needs. Stop the 'don’t you know you are supposed to call me( except of course you are buying the airtime) or I called and you didn’t pick( kpele o Oprah Winfrey) or one that most recently happened to me so you knew I was online and you didn’t chat me up( this one hit home)'

 I am not trying to make excuses for friends who don’t show up because a friend in need is a friend indeed. I am just saying that lean on me no be press me die.

Show up for your friends: 

I don’t care what your love language is but act of service should be a compulsory love language in your friendship. It is not enough to post wcw and mcm on your Whatsapp status. Be there. Let your presence be evident in their lives.

 A very special friend of mine taught me this and all she did was show up for me all the time and I got the memo that aunty it’s not all about hugs and word of mouth. Be there! If they sell stuff try to patronize them or if you are broke help them market and advertise it. Whatever it is they are doing show support.

Your besty Is not my besty:  

If you are close friends with someone and they are vulnerable enough to tell you their business. Please dear, when you meet that your other close friend which is not your close friend's close friend, Zip it. It truly is not and can never be rocket science. Know your boundaries. It's okay for your friend to have other friends. Even if you don't like them.

Understand each other’s triggers:

It's normal to yab and make fun of each other as friends but please know where to draw the line. I have been guilty of overstepping my boundaries. I now have sense. If your friend is insecure about weight don’t call him/her orobo in public, if they are broke, don’t take them to the canteen and say pick the drink let me pay, I know you don't have money( I have seen this one life).

 If they don’t like having conversations outside, don’t drag them into your circle of interest and be shouting talk now( I have done this one to somebody before, it wasn’t funny when I received sense) And please don't be too sensitive as a friend. Learn to take a simple joke and understand that sarcasm is a love language( I speak it fluently by the way)

Learn to communicate your feelings to your friends:  

Trust me if your friends wanted to be soothsayers and interpreters they know where to sign up. So speak if you feel hurt by their actions. Carrying face will only give you wrinkles. Some of us even go silent and expect to be begged( when I am not your life partner, lol, I am kidding, I am heavily on this table)

Not all friendships last forever:

Well except the smell of your poop when visitors are coming. Let me be serious. The fact that you have been friends from your mother's womb doesn’t make you inseparable. Even Siamese twins can be separated ask ben Carson.

When you start to feel uncomfortable or being friends just doesn’t feel right anymore unfriend each other. Sometimes you notice you have drifted apart and you don’t know how it happened. Don’t worry it’s the universe saving you from further heartbreak or not but you get the point. Plus if you are the only one making the effort, check that friendship. Don’t beg for attention anyone who is intentional about you will attend to you.

Show appreciation to your friends: 

Granted, they are your friends and you have come a long way but a thank you will do and it's not hard to say, don’t trivialize the love and care. make your friend feel seen. Say I love you, be reciprocal. It won't make you any less human.

I had a conversation with someone who said all this mushiness is for ladies and guys don't need it or do it. That your G is your G period. Do you agree?

This tea I just spilled can apply if you are dating too or so I hear.
If you have any other lessons share with me, plus I’d love to hear your opinions on this. Do you have bad friends you still keep or friends who make you uncomfortable but you still call them friend and why ( I have them too, let's chat in the comments)

As you can see. I am having fun with the gifs why didn't I discover it sooner.

To be honest, I didn’t think I was qualified to tell you anything because 2020 did not start well for me, asides the emotional stress, it was that time of the month and if you know cramps well then you can understand that it has the ability to make you question your whole existence. Like whom did we really offend?

 I didn’t know how to come and wish you a happy new year when I had been clearly unhappy. The mantra “New Year new me” was littered all over Instagram and I just rolled my eyes at them. I started building resentment and self-doubt when I saw other peoples achievements in the past year.  I began second-guessing myself. I am sure if I checked my blood pressure at the time it would have been high.

 It took me a while to realize I was doing the wrong thing. I was breathing and sane yet I could not say a thank you to God for keeping me alive. Ingratitude is the sole source of unhappiness and this is how we limit ourselves. We don’t appreciate our present level yet we hope to attain greater heights.

Ungratefulness makes you focus on those things you lack instead of the abundance and utility of what you already have in the present. And when you don't appreciate where you are now you may never get ahead.

Just be grateful and give yourself peace. I have learned to move at my own pace and motivate myself daily because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My purpose is not a relay race, so I will only move on Gods timing.

Today is my birthday and I am grateful for life

• I am grateful for the ability to write

• I am grateful for the kind of friends I have made over time.

• I am grateful for Family and

• I am grateful for you, yes you reading this. What are you grateful for? tell me in the comment section. It can be anything!

Today is my birthday and because I love myself. I bless myself and I declare that I become more purpose-driven. That my voice is heard across continents. That my life becomes a model for people to be inspired. That my words reach and sooth the unreached. That I become prosperous.
Say a prayer for me too, bless me.

Just for fun, here are 10 random facts about me. Tell me random facts about you in the comment section. I would love to know them really.


Here's mine.

• I have never tasted Pizza in my life (guess my age)

• I don’t like boiled eggs

• I think plantain is overrated

• I don’t read as much as people think I do but I am a fast reader

• Chubby boys are my spec

• I am allergic to roadside soya milk

• I don’t really like the color red

• I have never watched high school musical 

• My love language is physical touch.

• My favorite thing to eat is beans or bread.

Can you guess anything about me, if you are right I'd email you a personal heartfelt prayer and I'll call you.

When I wanted to write this, I had a lot of thoughts like is it even Valentines Day? What do you even know about self-love? Is this blog for you or for people? Etc.
 Well, the reasons I shouldn’t write this blog post are the same reasons I am writing it. First, It would be such a shame and a great disservice to humanity if the only time we want to talk about love or show love is during valentine’s day. Secondly, self-love is a daily, reaffirming and conscious effort and we have so much trivialized it. Thirdly this blog is our blog and we will learn together.

“Eat as you love yourself. Move as you love yourself. Speak as you love yourself. Act as you love yourself.”  

THE PROBLEM WITH SELF LOVE  

    Often times we seek attention and validation from other people so much that we forget that it is our duty first to validate ourselves before others. I wanted this post to be a love letter to myself, something you can read to yourself too but once I start typing the spirit starts leading and trust me to follow Amen!

 I think the problem we have is that we expect so much love from others when we have not given that measure of love to ourselves. If we are going to be logical about this why should I even love you if you don’t love yourself? If you don’t value yourself what will be my gain if I choose to value you?

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” 

IS SELF LOVE EVER ENOUGH?

 Back in secondary school, I wished someone would send me love letters. I had friends who received lots of them and I didn’t know then whether I wanted them because I loved to read or because I felt unloved. PS: I am more likely to read and reply to a text or email than I would receive calls or even call back. I think if you know me well you should know this by now.

 My birthday was the best period for me in secondary because I got a lot of handmade birthday cards and notes. People wrote sweet things about me and I still have most of them.

These cards were almost as sweet if not sweeter than the love letters I read from my classmates/seniors. some of their boyfriends were bad writers and poets but ok ( people of God, I am not being a hater, It’s true) I mean what is the meaning of ‘’the color of your daywear takes my breath away’’  mtcheww uncle go and buy pink oxygen and fix your respiratory problem abeg.

Image by Claudius Hegedus via unsplash

I wanted my own Love letter but now I know better. I was not satisfied with birthday cards I wanted a boy to validate me, to exaggerate my qualities and give me butterflies.

 I didn’t love myself enough to know that I didn’t need a few words from the opposite sex to feel loved and appreciated. This is what we do to ourselves and its bad. When you don’t love yourself enough anybody can give you half baked attention and you will take it like that because you don’t know your worth.

“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” – Andre Gide. 

THE BIBLE AND SELF LOVE 

You know in the bible It is written that If you don’t love you don’t know God and If you don’t know God my guess is you will not make heaven, stay with me, now God says love your neighbor as yourself meaning that you are loving this neighbor with the measure of love you have for yourself and if you don’t have it, well you can’t give what you don’t have.  Also even if you manage to love this neighbor and you don’t love yourself you still don’t know God because Love is missing somewhere and you still may not enter the kingdom.  self-love is required for you to enter the kingdom of God. The same goes for forgiveness, forgive yourself for that avoidable mistake or whatever thing you think you did! it goes both ways. 
When it comes to relationship I have a slight problem with this ‘ my other half, my missing rib thing’ because sometimes it is largely misunderstood and it lures some people into thinking that every human being is incomplete and needs another human being somewhere to complete them. Build the love and fulfillment for yourself. You are a complete human being already, you are not half baked or half-formed. God only said it is not good for man to be alone. 
He did not say I have made man Incomplete. you are whole and hopefully, you meet someone who is whole and together you both become wholesome. You don’t even need to start measuring your worth, you were born worthy.

image by Tim mossholder via Unsplash

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things that add quality and beauty to life.” – Andrew Matthews 

Image from @contentpixie via Unsplash

HERE IS MY SELF LOVE POEM TO YOU
Dear girl/ boy, man/ woman
I look at you and I see the essence of living, the color of your eyes paint a perfect picture and I don’t know a better view. 
I gaze at the wonder Lines gracing your palms and I wonder what beauty lies in our path as I take your palm in mine.
 I may not know what it means to be perfect but I know you’re the most perfect version of imperfection there is.
 Every arc and curve on your body is an atlas outline of the beauty in your making. I want to ask the creator what Mother nature and Earth did to deserve such a bedazzling creature.
 I feel the texture of your hair, even the baldness of your scalp and all I can say is there is no uneasiness there. It is smooth enough to fit any crown, to lead any troop, to be queen, to be king, to be anything.
 I am in awe of your lips, how your tongue touches your teeth then forms a mini pout before your teeth slightly bit your lower lip into an invitation when you pronounce the word love. I love everything that you are becoming, everything that you are and are not. I accept you. I take you. You are enough.

1john 4:8; Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love

Whole + whole = wholesome

“The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.”

So this is a love letter to me and to you. Read it to yourself first before anyone else.



I am out please; it is not time to write my wedding vows. All I am saying is your matter and you matter equally so give yourself love and attention. Eat out by yourself some time, Netflix and chill alone sometimes. Now tell me one thing you love about you whether it is your physical appearance or character traits then write them down.

 I love that I can hype people, I love my Lips when I wear lipsticks or glosses and I love my collar bones even though they are almost nonexistent. Let’s hear yours.

Photo: @oliviaeze03

When I decided to type this post  I  had a long list of reasons to give for not putting up a blog post for three months. I have felt a piercing type of guilt each time my divine friends ask me "Hey Rose you have not posted in  a while." and I say one of these reasons that I consider very valid. 
I have thought this through and in all honesty these valid reasons  I have are mere excuses and once again I am sorry for that.
I thought long and hard on what to post because quite frankly my brain has been racing through hurdles ,then I decided to just give it to you the way it is in my head, so here goes...

Photo credit:@oliviaeze03

I have come to discover that humans beings are blessed with the gift of evolving , growing, forming and taking shape,  what I mean is if we are truly dust and God moulded us just like clay in a potters hands then this can only mean that we have the ability to break, crack and be remoulded , we also have the ability to take whatever shape we want to take after we have been broken. Add that to the fact that God breathed his life into us, He gave us a part of himself. So there is divinity in the air that dances through our nostrils.

My point is you cannot carry the breathe of an all knowing God and not know anything. You cannot have the spirit inside of you and not be productive. The bible says in

Psalm 150:6 "let everything that has breathe praise the lord" 

 This means that whatever you do with this life you have in you must praise God.
You may wonder where I am going with this but 
All I am saying is if you know the calibre, specie and magnitude of who you are created to be , you would step out of your comfort zone and make a difference.

 I am writing down my advice to myself because I need these words as much as you do.
I have big dreams and I know you do too but our present lifestyle can be detrimental to the actualization of this dream! 
What effort have you put in to fuel your Ambition,  purpose etc.

We all want to be great, but we have to realise that greatness comes  with expensive rates. You cannot be in your comfort zone and expect to be successful and explore other time zones.
See eh excuses are indeed the killers of destiny. You know why excuses are destructive, it's because it's a layered form of  procrastination. 
At least when you procrastinate you know that ah! I might just be lazy, you are simply marinating your ability till the point that it becomes stale and soggy. But excuses can be  very tricky , it's like saying I won't write because I have school work to do, it's I can't go to church because it's raining,  it's the it dosent matter if I finish the whole pot of spaghetti I deserve it after this level of stress , it is the let me spend this money after all I have been broke before and I did not die. 
Just stop it! excuses come fancy and cheap but they will cost you longterm.

Lastly,  learn to value,serve and appreciate the community you have. If you have a buisness idea , if you are a creative, content creator or anything just make do with what you have. Don't wait to have 50,000 followers or subscribers or buyers before you start. Value the audience you have now....the bible says he that is faithful in little.... 

Luke 16:10

Verse Concepts

"He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much. 

Luke 16:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 

 Matthew 25:23

Verse Concepts

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'

I had that problem. I have an average  of 400 views on this blog half of which  I am sure are family and friends,  I remember feeling sad that even inside the 400 not up to 30 are subscribed. I just gave up and that scripture came into my spirit ,so ask yourself am I faithful with the little I have? Because that is the only way God can multiply you, that is the only way to grow. So Today I decide to be faithful to you!

Photo credit:@oliviaeze03

And drum roll please Iyanu started a powerful blog that has inspired ,uplifted and entertained me, it literally drew tears from my eyes, pls visit  https://iyanuadebiyi.com/  to begin this Holy walk with her❤