in Lifestyle

Monday, 11 January 2021

ON CREATIVITY, BODY SHAMING, FASHION & PERSONAL STYLE - AN INTERVIEW WITH ALEXANDRA OBOCHI

 

Plus size fashion



Hi, please introduce yourself 


My name is Alexandra Obochi My friends call me Alex or Xandra or pretty much any of the variations they like. I recently graduated from the University of Benin with a bachelor's degree in international studies and diplomacy and I'm currently awaiting NYSC call up. I am a professional makeup artist, a content creator and aspiring creative director. I'm also a curve model, basically what you would call a plus-size model. I am the convener of fashion and curve, a plus size fashion show that had its debut in the city of Benin in 2019. Hopefully, we'll see a 2nd edition soon. I love everything fashion and my style is alte, retro and vintage. 


plus size model cover girl


Have you ever struggled with low self-esteem and at what point did you become very confident in your skin


I've never exactly struggled with low self-esteem for a long period. There have been times in my life however that I've let myself be down on confidence because of what people or family said to me concerning my weight. But ultimately I'm a very confident person so I eventually get back up or come up with ways to do so.



Have you ever been body shamed, how do you handle body shamers both online and offline? 


Lol, the answer to this is a big and resounding YES! All my life I've been body-shamed, from family members to relatives who feel the need to give their opinion even when not asked, down to classmates, friends and even partners in relationships.  Been fat automatically means you're a bit different from others and people will never learn how to accept different.


When handling body Shamers I always put them in their place, I've worked hard on my self-confidence and I don't need anyone to come tearing it down. I've recently been trying to put out more body-positive contents on social media and there's a little backlash especially on Twitter. A lot of times I ignore or block or respond very harshly to these body shamers, they listen to no other thing. Offline however I respond always. It is my life and body so I see no reason why anyone should have an opinion about it. 



bikini for big girls

say no to body shaming


...fuck society's expectations of what we should be or look like. Self-love is hard but it's the most rewarding thing ever. Never be ashamed of how you look...


You are a very experimental makeup artist, you play with colours and create amazing looks. Where did this inspiration to be bold and fearless with your art come from?


Thank you for the compliment. I love colours and love to create looks. The truth is I love being an artist and I have an incredible passion for it. The art of transforming myself or a client is incredibly rewarding to me and I've always loved to see how far I could take it while still looking amazing. I get inspired a lot of times by just thinking of creating or putting ideas together in my head. Other times I'm inspired but amazing artists in my niche and field. 


cover girl make up

make up artist


Been fat automatically means you're a bit different from others and people will never learn how to accept different.

Have you ever had people tell you that you are doing too much, that you should probably tone it down a bit, if yes, how did you handle such opinion?


I've never had such an opinion and if I ever do, you'll see me doing more instead of less. Can't ever let people bring me down and that's on period.


plus sized women

fashion Icon


I love being an artist and I have an incredible passion for it. The art of transforming myself or a client is incredibly rewarding to me

You are a fashion Icon in my opinion, so how long does it take you to style yourself and what do you have to say to people who think plus-sized women should only wear certain types of clothing or outfits 


I'm not a fashion Icon yet, but I like to think I'm on my way. Styling is pretty easy for me once I've paired up the outfits in my head, I always do the pairing before testing. 


To people who think plus-sized women should only wear certain outfits. I think that's rubbish and to my beautiful plus sized gals please wear what you wanna wear, if it's cropped top wear it hunnay! If it is a body con dress wear it and own your curves, own your FUPA, own those rolls baby and love yourself.


own your FUPA

blazer jackets for women


On your Instagram page, you combine patterns and prints and it's very artistic, what does being an African woman mean to you?


Being an African woman is so exhilarating to me. Wearing Patterns and prints brings out the best in me and reminds me that my skin is gold and my ancestry is full of African kings and Queens. I'm so proud to be African and Nigerian at that. And being proud of my culture leads to me imbibe every aspect of my life with culture. 


African prints

african woman



Ankara jacket
Ankara blazer for plus sized women


You have a reasonable following on social media. Do you ever feel pressured to perform or fit into a certain Aesthetic, do you think this idea of perfection in the creative space is harmful?


While I do feel pressured to always put out content, the pressure comes from within myself as I love to push myself to be consistent in anything I do. I feel I have created my aesthetic through my style and creativity and I'm super proud of that. And no, I never feel pressured to fit into a certain aesthetic because I have tried all my possible best to create my aesthetic and make it a lifestyle. So it's not that hard to do especially when you get  used it 


I think perfection is overrated. Nobody is perfect. Even on Instagram. And the idea of it is harmful. To an extent even I have experienced the bad side of thinking you can be perfect on Instagram. Through pressuring myself to try and be like other people or wear what they wear or do what they do. It didn't help me in any way and I had to learn to curb that need to be perfect or create perfect content like some influencer we see.  


curvy model

When handling body Shamers I always put them in their place, I've worked hard on my self-confidence and I don't need anyone to come tearing it down.

Have influencers, celebrities or Instagram models ever caused you to think about your body image and was it negatively or positively?


Like I said it's very easy to be affected and think negatively about yourself especially when everyone around you seems to be close to perfect. However, I learnt to not compare myself to people I see on the gram. And to love me a little more every time I feel pressured to be like someone else. 


I find your younger brother very cool and handsome. Do you style him too and how important is it to educate children on body image and self-confidence.


Thank you so much. Yes, I style most of his outfits, he manages to pull them off with his insane charisma and model poses. 

I wish someone has taken the time to educate me on body confidence when I was little. Knowing that there's nothing wrong with our bodies and with how we looked at that age would have been freeing. I think it's very important to educate children so that they'd know early on how important it is to love their bodies and selves. 


fashion for kids

face art for kids

cool kid on the telephone

kid celebrities

coolest kid on the block

locations for childrens photoshoot


I think perfection is overrated. Nobody is perfect. Even on Instagram. And the idea of it is harmful.

Overall how has your creative journey been and is it slightly more difficult for plus-sized women in the creative industry?


Overall, my creative journey has been insane. At least that's the one thing I can fully say I achieved last year. It's been amazing and even looking through my Instagram page you can clearly see growth. 

I believe it is a bit difficult for plus-sized women. Sometimes getting people's attention is hard, and even more painful is when a normal-sized person does the same thing or less of what you did, people flock the content. That is really discouraging.


plus sized women in the creative industry

street style

rainbow background photography

holiday vibes

chilling in an eatery

I feel I have created my aesthetic through my style and creativity and I'm super proud of that. I never feel pressured to fit into a certain aesthetic

Any advice for women, especially young girls who are ashamed of the way they look and find it hard to accept themselves because of society? 


Girlllll. The one thing I have learnt this year is to fuck society's expectations of what we should be or look like. Make sure your own opinion comes first. Make sure you are your top priority and not what people think of you. Self-love is hard but it's the most rewarding thing ever. Never be ashamed of how you look especially if its something as normal as saggy boobs or stretch marks or even back rolls. Those are incredibly normal and you should never feel bad about having them on your body. 


live, love and breathe

plus sized women


What do you do for fun, give us three random facts about you?


I love to read Manga, Romance, fiction, play music, dance and have fun family time. 

Random facts about me; I hate honey, I'm insanely curious and I cry for every movie. Doesn't matter the genre I will cry. Even if the ending is happy or sad or scary!



Thank you for doing this! 



Friday, 30 October 2020

IN CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND: GENDER EQUITY V GENDER EQUALITY

Gender Equality v gender equality

This is a conversation I had with my friend on WhatsApp on gender equality. We had a little back and forth until we got to the equity part. I consider it an interesting conversation to share outside WhatsApp so I put it up here. What you are about to read is his message to me and my response to him. I'd love to read your opinions on this. What are your reservations, what feels true to you? What do you agree or disagree with? 


HIS MESSAGE 

You can go on and on... 

But you're still missing where I'm coming from. 

I told you I don't support gender equality. I support Gender equity.

Why? Simple. We're not the same. 

No matter how we try to paint it, with sentiments and stuffs,

No matter the injustice that may be deduced in it, 

The fact still remains. 

Male and Female are two different species altogether. Even God had to be particular in making the differences down to the minute physical attributes. 

We're different emotionally, psychologically, physically, mentally. Although the mental part vastly majors of individual differences than Gender differences.

If the two homo sapien species are this different, 

why advocate for equality? 

That will be wrong.

We are not equal, and therefore, can't be treated equally.

I'm not saying men are greater than women,

I'm saying that males are superior to females. It's a well known historical fact. 

But the real problem is that the males tend to be superior and take advantage of the females even in their little right... Just like the proverbial rich man who had many cattle yet went to kill that one Lamb of the poor man for his visitor.

That's why I advocate Equity. Fairness.

Even down to our homes, your parents probably won't treat you the way they treat your brother. 

Historic facts even uphold that. 

You Feminists turn away from the ills that befall men because they are men and focus more on the marginalization of women which actually isn't as intense as you all posit it to be. You also forget about certain privileges you guys automatically get just because you are women. 

Over history, men are the one that get whipped, women aren't (just because they are women). Most times, if they do something that warrant whipping or something, it's a male from her family that will be called upon to bear the pains. You also forget that it is the men that go to war and die fighting to protect the women. If you wanted Equality, why not the women fight alongside the men too? But no, they stay at home tending to the children... and chickens.

Over the times I go camping, the best places are always reserved for the females. Just because they are females. There were many times we had to sleep on the floor of a windowless class and bathe in the open wgile enduring the chilling cold while the girls sleep in warm beds and bathe in good bathrooms with steamed water! 

Yet, did we complain? No. Because we get to have certain compensations and privileges. It's like a balance of power.


Naturally, women are weak physically (there are few exceptions tho). 

So hard works and jobs are reserved for the men. If you all want equality, let's start there. Do what we do.

"What a man can do, a woman can do better" is one of the most ridiculous statements I've heard in this century. It's absurd. Fallacy of false generalization. I actually know there are some things a woman can do better than a man like childbirth for example😂🔥.

So my dear,

If we begin to unravel the ills men face and the privileges women get even when it is at the detriment of a man, you'll believe that what you should be advocating for is Equity. Your rights shouldn't be trampled upon and stuff. Like the voting part. It should be for everyone. Women should have a say in the government. 

But when it gets to women getting the same privileges reserved for Men, 

Don't go there. 

We don't get to have those privileges reserved for women.


MY RESPONSE 

You can not support gender equity and be against gender equality.

Gender equity is the process of being fair to women and men. To ensure fairness, strategies and measures must often be available to compensate for the historical and social disadvantages that prevent women and men from otherwise operating on a level playing field. 

Equity leads to equality. Equity is simply ensuring that women reach the heights their male counterparts have reached just because they have a penis. Equity Is a means to an end.

Why are you trying to be fair only to come back and relegate the same people you are claiming fairness for? What is the point? To feel in charge? To feel in control? That you have the power to give and take?

Saying that because men and women are different, they cannot be treated equally is about the most ridiculous assumption I have heard. Equality between men and women does not mean that women and men have to become the same, but that their rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they were born male or female.

This may include equal treatment or treatment that is different but which is considered equivalent in terms of rights, benefits, obligations, and opportunities. Women have over time being denied basic human rights,  so to say they cannot have those rights because the men are going war and moving mountains is a bit of a reach.

There is this tone I perceived while reading what you sent, in some places you used "little rights" and you even went on to give an analogy about the proverbial rich man, taking from the poor as a metaphor for men oppressing women. lol... To use these types of analogies when referring to the injustices done to women is demeaning, it is also to ignorantly suggest that

1. women are a minority group which is false because statistics show that the population is 50/50. 

2. That we are the weak underprivileged folk looking for help or protection from men. And sorry to break it to you but there is more than male benevolence as the basis for a woman's well-being.

3. women are not saying save us, we are saying don't harm us. Don't domesticate us. We want equal access. Don't rape us, among other vile things.

And you keep saying fact lol. Fact is simply, in my opinion, information used as evidence. A widely accepted version of what people perceive to be their truth. That something is a fact does not mean it cannot be unjust. And for context in my house, I and my brother are treated differently largely because of the age difference, not gender.

You are talking about women tending to chickens while men went to war in society. Are you kidding me? Men have silenced women, took their power to vote, societally misconstrued them into believing they are made to pleasure men and when it is time for war, you want them to pick up a rifle. Humour me!

Plus do you know that even to this day women pass tests required to enter the navy and army and majority of them are denied simply because they have a vagina?

It's happening even to this day, now imagine the backlash women of the old would have received had they declared interest in going to war and even then, in the harsh conditions some of them still persevered.


Feminism


For context,  Women in World War I( this is just one instance out of many) were mobilized in unprecedented numbers on all sides. The vast majority of these women were drafted into the civilian workforce to replace conscripted men or work in greatly expanded munitions factories. Thousands served in the military in support roles, e.g. as nurses, but in Russia, some saw combat as well. Google their names by yourself.

Also, this is another argument I very much understand. Some Feminists argue that ‘women were not warriors’ their job was not to ‘bear arms’ but ‘bear armies.' Engaging in combat would undermine the argument that it was not only those who fought for their nation (men) who had a right to the ultimate gift of citizenship and right to vote.

Another proof that all men have is audacity. Did you hear about the Alabama Abortion ban? Most of the US state laws banning or severely restricting access to abortions have been voted on by male politicians. Do you realize how wild it is that this decision about an issue concerning women so intimately is being made almost entirely by men? 51% of women make up their population yet it's law makers are 85% male. Should men have the right to rule on an issue that impacts women so intimately? And this is just one example !!!!

And as for your camping experience of men being treated more harshly, that is a sad thing and one idea of feminism is to show that being emotional and vulnerable is not a sign of weakness and boys too should be allowed to show that side. "Be a man! be a man!" is the reason suicide rate is higher for men.

And you said you people camped under harsh conditions as boys and you people did not complain because you knew you have other privileges...my dear, that is not balance of power and it is sad that you will use the inconveniences men suffer on some occasions to compare to the injustices that have shaped women's existence over centuries.

It's ludicrous to me that men, never complain that they are oppressed or maltreated until women start talking about the injustices done to them.  I have not seen a men's right movement existing on its own for its own sake. Or to help and encourage men to be the best version of themselves. It is always done to belittle women's experiences or as a response to women's push back against injustice, a twisted, untrue and selfish kind of #metoo movement. If men only shout about their "issues" when women are expressing their grievances and disgust over the discrimination and injustices done to them then this goes to show that men are simply privileged and benefit more from society than women. And that in itself is sheer injustice.

Lastly, In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. "Gender is not an easy conversation to have. It makes people uncomfortable, sometimes even irritable. Both men and women are resistant to talk about gender, or are quick to dismiss the problems of gender. Because thinking of changing the status quo is always uncomfortable.

Some people ask: "Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights or something like that?" Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general - but to choose to use the vague expression of human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women. That the problem was not about being human, but specifically about being a female human. For centuries, the world divided human beings into two groups and then proceeded to exclude and oppress one group. It is only fair that the solution to the problem acknowledges that.
Some men feel threatened by the idea of feminism. This comes, I think, from the insecurity triggered by how boys are brought up, how their sense of self-worth is diminished if they are not "naturally" in charge as men." 



NB: I see this image circulating as a perfect explanation of gender equity over equality...well 

Gender equity

You see this image, please stop using it to justify your gender equity argument. This is simply a picture of a man and a child. Women are not children or small human beings that need male benevolence to thrive. They can stand tall or twice as tall. & yes I am interpreting this literally because with this photo you are saying women are weaklings who need help to see far. That's all I see in this photo when it is used in the context of gender. Maybe use it to explain poverty or economic margins or something else, just not gender. Cheers! 


Tuesday, 25 August 2020

THIS IS WHERE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR DRAWS THE LINE!

 

Writing laughter into words

WRITING LAUGHTER INTO WORDS


Laughter to me is a form of forgetful explosion. Imagine the colours in a bubble, how they pop and float across the room in small circles and tiny flakes. Imagine a volcanic eruption, that point of expelling, letting go of the built-up lava without a care of what has occurred underground or what will go up or go around.

Happy children

Laughter is freedom, a perfect depiction of how to lay aside every weight; a kind of reflex purgation that builds up from the lower belly surpasses every urge to be digested and makes its way to rest on the heart, till that pumping station has no choice but to render this beautiful uprising to the lips for ears to hear.

Laughter is expressing the rainbows in my heart. I open my mouth, throw my head back and forth, jerk my body, and sometimes even clap my hands in the air -laughter is rest; a watery type of joy that can be unsure, sometimes unexplainably blurry, but never redundant. 

Sense of humour

I do not know if laughter means one thing to me or if it connotes only joy, happiness, and satisfaction. I do not know because laughter is irony too. It is how I open up my mouth to make that sound with gloom in my eyes and anger in my guts. It can also be my response to failed expectation, the scuff that suddenly leads to a wry "Haq Haq Haq;" the best response for my disbelief, the 'Na me be dis' type of disappointed expression.


Maybe it is hard for me to make one complete sense of laughter, but I like to think laughter is multi-layered; it is everything from extreme to cautious. It is all seven colours of the rainbow. It is a result of both rain and dry land. Where it starts or ends remains a mystery.  Laughter to me will always be many things inexhaustible. It is to hold and to expel, to fold and to unwrap, to hurt and to heal, to hold dear and to let go. 

However, this is where my sense of humour draws the line, I find a reason to laugh from almost anything. My sense of humour is complicated, there is a thin line between what I consider humour or hate. I do not mind a good laugh over silliness, goofiness, or cluelessness, and at the same time, I could find it insulting. 

How to take a joke


What is funny or ludicrous to me usually depends on context and motive; if it comes across as spiteful or derogatory then it is no longer a source of laughter for me.

For example, In secondary school, I slept a lot in class and I was not the most sociable. During our graduation when I was called out as the best graduating art student, some students and a few teachers were a bit shocked.

Two students and a teacher literally walked up to me to say that I looked too dumb for the prize(I was quite shocked, narrated it to my friend, we laughed it off that day but..) I found everything about the statement mean and demeaning and I refuse to see how they meant well, to think they were smiling the "well-meaning" Smile and saying congrats as they spoke. The human mouth sure needs a filter sometimes.

Happiness


My sense of humour can accommodate anything, so long as the joke or comment does not promote inferiority complex, obstruct justice, victim shame, or leave anyone devastated. For example, I don't like it when people make jokes about my weight or hair no matter how harmless. I just think it is in nobody's place to have an opinion about it except I ask for it. I don't like "yo mama" or "your father" jokes. I just think everybody has their spot, don't always try to point it out or poke it.

Funny jokes


If we must laugh, it must be because of amusement, comic relief, wittiness, even absurdity. Just not anything that takes away dignity or joy from the human person.

NB: Special thanks to Ìbùkún for making me write this essay and taking time to edit it. I love you.


Do you love to laugh? What do you find funny or annoying? Do you believe there are any barriers to humour? Tell me in the comments. Cheers!



Wednesday, 5 August 2020

On handling Loss || An Interview with Stella Mpisi


Loosing your loved ones

It's the month of August already! I always have some sort of time shock when it's a new month! Like how did we get to four months away from Christmas? Anyway, I have to say I am happy to be starting this month with a very exciting feature.

I am drawn to stories and how they shape people. I want to hear how people are dispossessed or elevated by their experiences so I started digging. And to be honest, I found treasure. I was drawn, excited, cried even, at some things I found.

I was particularly intrigued by Stella's Story. The honesty and openness of it. I binge-read her Blog in one sitting. Her writing style is simple but it will draw diverse and complex emotions out of you, open your eyes to the nuance of what you once considered obvious till you can see the unconventionality of perspectives. Whoosh! I am typing so fast I might go on a spiral and forget the purpose of this blog post.

I reached out to Stella and she responded so warmly and timely. I feel so honoured that she agreed to do this ( I am actually smiling my I am so blessed smile) I am so grateful for this. I learnt a lot from her response and I hope you will too.

Let's meet Stella

Being an orphan

I became an orphan when I was ten years old.


I am so glad to have you here please introduce yourself?


Thank you so much for reaching out to me. My name is Stella Mpisi, a Congolese-born South African writer. I became an orphan when I was ten years old. Both my parents died on the same day. My experiences with orphanhood are what inspire most of what I write. 

The more I grew up, the more I realized that I was different from South African natives,


What was it like growing up in South Africa?


Growing up in South Africa was both interesting and challenging. On the one hand, it was interesting to be a part of such a diverse nation. Being exposed to people of different racial backgrounds, cultures and religions was intriguing. However, there was always a sense of disconnect when it came to certain issues. The more I grew up, the more I realized that I was different from South African natives, even to those who looked like me. As a child, I did not know how to embrace both cultures as being a part of me. I often hid my Congolese identity out of pure ignorance or out of shame of being different. 


Have you received any push back in terms of sharing your journey with people, have you had anyone try to measure your grief and tell you that you are supposed to just move on?


Very often! The biggest pushback I have received is from family and friends. People misinterpret my writing for being a sign that I am stuck in the past. They do not quite understand that grief is a journey and that I’ve chosen writing to explore and navigate it. It is not a destination to be “stuck in”. 

I lived in denial for many years,


How did it feel losing your both parents on the same day and what was the most defining moment in that for you?


The feeling was of sheer disbelief and confusion. At ten years old it had never occurred to me that that was even possible. I lived in denial for many years, even after seeing both my parents in their coffins at the funeral. At the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that God had made a mistake and that my parents would come back somehow. I guess the most defining moment for me was when I finally let go of denial and accepted things for what they were. 



In a recent post, you talked about being an orphan bride and how you were able to navigate through it, in that light how do you handle disappointments and what advice do you have for anyone who feels sad that their expectations were cut short


I think with time and age I have learnt that life is not a straight line. The first step to handling disappointments is understanding that events do not define you and learning to get up when you fall. Another important thing is that you have to understand that problems come and go (no one lives a perfect life) and what matters is not the problem itself, but how you react to it. Your reaction or lack thereof determines the rest of your journey. 


My mistake was that I relied on religion and religious principles and not so much of spirituality and my actual relationship with “the unknown”.



You mentioned giving up on God at some point, how did that feel + do you think having a spiritual life is important in handling Loss?


Wow! This is an interesting question. After my parents died, I held on to God with all my strength. I didn’t blame God for any of the things that were happening to me. I relied on prayer to survive. But after many years, I got tried and questioned everything. Life just didn’t make sense anymore and I lost all faith. How could God be so good to some and yet just abandon me? I felt empty. I think spirituality does indeed help with handling loss. My mistake was that I relied on religion and religious principles and not so much of spirituality and my actual relationship with “the unknown”. I believe that spirituality has no rules and is about you as an individual and the individual relationship you have with God. That relationship is very important when it comes to grief. 

Loss


You have had to Isolate yourself at some point and try to hide your pain. How effective was that in itself and do you think hiding from pain is a solution for grief? 


For me, I think isolating myself was needed. I think isolation comes with the territory. However, I don’t think that hiding from pain is a solution. I had to go through that period of isolation to focus on myself and to understand that I needed to address my pain. That’s the “phase” I am in right now. I think it is important to mention that grief is not a problem you find a solution to. People grieve because they love. You don’t just stop loving someone because they are no longer alive, so you never really stop grieving. That is why I believe in positive grief.  


Did pity from friends and family contribute to the length and intensity of your grief. 


Most definitely. I can’t stand pity. It makes me cringe. I understand that people mean well, but pity has always made me feel “less than”. 

Motherhood



Has being an orphan affected motherhood for you, any life lessons?

Oh yes! Becoming a mother changes, you and I think going through that change without a mom is one of the most difficult things I have had to go through. My daughter is almost two years old now and the most important motherless motherhood lesson I have learnt thus far is that of being a positive example for my child so that she can look up to me even when I will no longer be on this Earth.  

Without writing I don’t think I’d be anywhere near the level of healing I have reached today.


You mentioned writing as a coping mechanism, how was that like and where are you in your writing journey. 


Writing helped me through many obstacles. It is almost like I am able to escape the troubles of the world and pour my emotions and thoughts down on paper. Without writing I don’t think I’d be anywhere near the level of healing I have reached today. Apart from my blog I am currently working on a fiction novel in honour of my mother. I’m super excited about that! 

“there are as many ways to grieve as there are people on Earth”. Everyone is different.


How would you advise people to handle loss and the pain that comes with it, is there like a rule book? 


There is no rule book whatsoever. I read somewhere that “there are as many ways to grieve as there are people on Earth”. Everyone is different. What I can say, however, is that it is important to have a support system and to learn to take care of your mental health. 


Orphanhood and grief


Do you ever outgrow the need for having your parents + advise for young people who want to hurry up and just be independent?


I think being independent and needing your parents are two different things. With every important life experience, I feel the need to just pick up the phone and call my mom and dad. The relationship between parent and child does not end when the child becomes socially and financially independent. 


How has loss affected your relationship with people?


I have serious trust issues and I am somewhat anti-social. For many years I lost all trust in mankind. With time I am slowly rehabilitating the social aspect of my being. It’s an uphill battle. 


Give us two fun / random things about you? 


I LOVE rapping. I can rap several Eminem songs from start to finish! LOL. Also, I hate the smell and taste of the coffee. 



I learnt so much from this and I know you did too. What are your takeouts from this post? How do you handle loss? Let's chat in the comments + Stella would love to reply you. If you have any suggestions or people you want me to feature tell me and we'll make it happen. Love ya!


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How to survive orphanhood

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