LESSONS I LEARNT FROM MY EXES AND FRIENDS

Friends kissing

I know that by the heading a lot of you came here to hear how one Jaja from opobo broke my heart. You came for the tea. I laugh in all things cupid. Far be it from me to disappoint you. I will make it worth your while but everything is not about man okay.

friendship with benefits

We will talk about friendship today and you just might hear man gist one day. Lol.
Friendships are very important to me. like I am literally a reflection of my friends so I am mindful of people I consider close-knit. I think its time we all familiarise ourselves with the term acquaintance. Not every hello I am Grace from Abia is your friend. The fact that you have spoken a few times and laughed at the same jokes doesn't mean you are now soul brothers and sisters.

Friendships can die, it can grow cold no matter the number of years put into it and it's totally okay.  Life just happened and you grew up ( or not because maybe the other person just chose to ghost you) either ways it has not brought out the cure for corona so just move on okay.

This post is not to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do o neither is it friendship 101 master class. This is just my observation from Exes and friends yes I have exes, ex-friends, ex-colleagues, ex group members (resist the urge to roll your eyes please.)



7 lessons from my friends and exes


Resist the urge to be entitled:

 Sweetheart, see eh nobody owes you anything. Your friends are out here trying to be your friends, not your lord and personal savior. There are not going to supply all your needs. Stop the 'don’t you know you are supposed to call me( except of course you are buying the airtime) or I called and you didn’t pick( kpele o Oprah Winfrey) or one that most recently happened to me so you knew I was online and you didn’t chat me up( this one hit home)'
friendship quotes

 I am not trying to make excuses for friends who don’t show up because a friend in need is a friend indeed. I am just saying that lean on me no be press me die.

Show up for your friends: 

I don’t care what your love language is but act of service should be a compulsory love language in your friendship. It is not enough to post wcw and mcm on your Whatsapp status. Be there. Let your presence be evident in their lives.

 A very special friend of mine taught me this and all she did was show up for me all the time and I got the memo that aunty it’s not all about hugs and word of mouth. Be there! If they sell stuff try to patronize them or if you are broke help them market and advertise it. Whatever it is they are doing show support.
Friendship

Your besty Is not my besty:  

If you are close friends with someone and they are vulnerable enough to tell you their business. Please dear, when you meet that your other close friend which is not your close friend's close friend, Zip it. It truly is not and can never be rocket science. Know your boundaries. It's okay for your friend to have other friends. Even if you don't like them.

Understand each other’s triggers:

It's normal to yab and make fun of each other as friends but please know where to draw the line. I have been guilty of overstepping my boundaries. I now have sense. If your friend is insecure about weight don’t call him/her orobo in public, if they are broke, don’t take them to the canteen and say pick the drink let me pay, I know you don't have money( I have seen this one life).

 If they don’t like having conversations outside, don’t drag them into your circle of interest and be shouting talk now( I have done this one to somebody before, it wasn’t funny when I received sense) And please don't be too sensitive as a friend. Learn to take a simple joke and understand that sarcasm is a love language( I speak it fluently by the way)

Learn to communicate your feelings to your friends:  

Trust me if your friends wanted to be soothsayers and interpreters they know where to sign up. So speak if you feel hurt by their actions. Carrying face will only give you wrinkles. Some of us even go silent and expect to be begged( when I am not your life partner, lol, I am kidding, I am heavily on this table)

Friendship


Not all friendships last forever:

Well except the smell of your poop when visitors are coming. Let me be serious. The fact that you have been friends from your mother's womb doesn’t make you inseparable. Even Siamese twins can be separated ask ben Carson.

When you start to feel uncomfortable or being friends just doesn’t feel right anymore unfriend each other. Sometimes you notice you have drifted apart and you don’t know how it happened. Don’t worry it’s the universe saving you from further heartbreak or not but you get the point. Plus if you are the only one making the effort, check that friendship. Don’t beg for attention anyone who is intentional about you will attend to you.

Show appreciation to your friends: 

Granted, they are your friends and you have come a long way but a thank you will do and it's not hard to say, don’t trivialize the love and care. make your friend feel seen. Say I love you, be reciprocal. It won't make you any less human.
Appreciation

I had a conversation with someone who said all this mushiness is for ladies and guys don't need it or do it. That your G is your G period. Do you agree?

This tea I just spilled can apply if you are dating too or so I hear.
If you have any other lessons share with me, plus I’d love to hear your opinions on this. Do you have bad friends you still keep or friends who make you uncomfortable but you still call them friend and why ( I have them too, let's chat in the comments)
Friendship
As you can see. I am having fun with the gifs why didn't I discover it sooner.



33 comments

  1. Couldn't have been better said.... I love ur works

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  2. Very funny... Honestly , I thought I'd get some gist but oh well...
    I love the acquaintance and friend reminder. As a person, I tend to be a bit too social and far-reaching(whatever it means) sometimes... But wonderful exchange of energy and even sarcasm has proven, to me, to be requisite in my relationships. And very true ... Growing up, growing together and even growing apart - are still part of growing. Loved it

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    1. Oh that's great. Its okay to be yourself. Social away joor

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  3. Lol i enjoyed the emojis. All that has been written here are correct. An addition is that, the vacuum ome friend leaves, let's not expect the next to fill it completely. And be careful about how you think your friends see you, they may just count you as an acquaintance and not yet as a friend so make sure it is mutual

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    1. Yes I am learning.. Its easy to think that our new friends must be as perfect as the old ones. We often start making them pay for others misgivings

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  4. Wow... Roseline,this is amazing..

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  5. Mmmmm this is sooo true...thank u, I learnt from this

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  6. Roseline, as always you wrote beautifully.

    Thumbs up

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  7. I love this...
    Friendship is really important so it's also important we know how to go about it...

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  8. I love this...
    Friendship is really important so it's also important we know how to go about it...

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  9. It's a really great article. We don't need to always feel entitled but I think friends owe each other loyalty. Lovers owe each other love. I don't think it's an over-bloated sense of entitlement to expect some sort of behaviour from friends . It's great to understand when a relationship is no longer working. A one way relationship where only one party is committed is unhealthy.

    You've really spoken to us through this article .Thank you so much.

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    1. I agree.. I do however there should be a certain maturity among friends.its okay to expect as long as you are giving back the same energy. I am so happy that you engaged with my post thank you

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  10. I also enjoyed the gifs especially the one of the Memphis Grizzlies players. You are doing well 😁😁😁.

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  11. Rose!!!!You've said it all.In as much as we tend to hold on to all our friendships,not all can last forever.

    Well done girl❤️

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  12. Iyawo Joselyn Dumas7 May 2020 at 11:42

    Lmaooo I was going to comment that it's obvious you just discovered the GIF button then you said it at the end. I've learned in life that some relationships come easy and others don't. That doesn't mean that one is better or stronger than the other. In my circle of close friends, I can go months without speaking to one person and we'll just hit it off when we see, whereas the other person requires constant or consistent communication. It's all about studying them and finding out what they need. And if you love someone that's not hard to do. So let's not assume that all our friends and friendshisps are the same. Or that our friends are just like us. That's what usually ruins friendships. My four cents.

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    1. Take all my moneyyy....This is goldennnnnn. No truer words have been spoken

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  13. Bob made me read this and I must say it was worth it thumbs up 👍 👍

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    1. Thank you for reading. Thanks to bob for sending you here ❤️

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  14. Woooow, thanks Roseline this is amazing and didactic, I am always hopeful at your write-ups.

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  15. The gifs are great! Keep em coming.

    Don't get your expectation too high. We are all human and can mess up at anytime. You need to be humble and show appreciation, being humble is the sexiest thing everrrrr! It shows your character isn't moved by cheap ass things of the world.
    Understanding who your're friends with is important.
    You mentioned not caring about any other love language a friend aligns with apart from act of service, i will humbly disagree with that though i see what you mean. Act of service is actually amongst the languages i align with.
    Why i care about my friend's other love language and not just act of service? Well, if your friend's other love langauage is words of affirmation ... and you care and love your friend, your gonna want to add that to your act of service. Example of words of affirmation You smell delicious,
    Thank you for listening, feel blessed to have you in my life. Words of affirmation is Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
    Again, we are human, we are not perfect and we can F up a whole lot. Just make sure you're true to yourself and to your friends and be a good friend. Don't change for ANYONE in any point in your life, don't say because ola is crazy and fun all the time that's why your killing yourself trying to keep up when you know damn well you are pretending!
    Anyways loved this.
    Great job.
    (Words of affirmation right there, haha *wink*)

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    1. Humility is sexy...i see what you mean honestly but I just think acts of service very important especially if it's not a romantic relationship eg my love language is physical touch but I don't expect my friends to come and be touching me or flipping my hair. That's why I think acts of service is very important not that other love languages are not important cos they are. I love that you could connect with this. Since your love language is words of affirmation. I have an idea.

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