Wednesday 8 July 2020
FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE A DISASTER!
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| Illustration by Reyna Noriega |
I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I noticed something interesting about my life( so this post is purely born out of personal experience) About 80 per cent of the emotional, physical and financial support I receive come from the women in my life. It made me so glad to be able to squash the ‘’women don’t support women narrative.’’ My friend believes that Female Friendships are a disaster and that it comes with so much baggage.
I know a lot of females who would rather have male friends as close friends or keep more male friends. This is because according to them, women are too much drama. There is unnecessary competition over male attention; there are disagreements that last longer than they are supposed to. Guys just punch each other and get it over with. It is just different for women.
While I admit that some of these are true, I maintain, that to a large extent female friendships are a necessity. I can't speak so much for male friendships, it doesn't receive the type of backlash female friendships receive, even though, the ‘’bro code’’ is a concept I strongly suggest should be re-examined as it is becoming a haven for the unsafe and unacceptable behaviours of men. We will rant this rant another day.
Why Female Friendships are Important
They can simply relate in a way male friends can’t: when you go through stuff as a girl/ woman both physically and emotionally, you want empathy and not sympathy, in that you need someone who not only understands how you feel but has felt that way too. E.g. you can’t even explain cramps to yourself - the pain is like your entire reproductive organs are at war and the weapons of the warfare are pepper, hair clips and a grinding machine - let alone to your male friends.
How do you tell someone who doesn’t have breasts that your breasts feel heavy or uncomfortable sometimes? I don’t know about you but I like it when my sorry comes with an ‘’I feel you’’ type of support.
They are less judgemental: Hold on, before you bite me. There are some emotions you feel that make you take some decisions and actions that you end up regretting. You need someone with a mind as dynamic as your own to understand this behaviour.
Think of the heart to heart talk you have with your female friends, it’s like an unravelling, you explore things that are deeply personal, you literally feel the connection in the conversation. There is a kind of vulnerability and acceptance that you receive; it is a different kind of vibe.
If you went to a boarding school remember those nights that you gather in a circle and just share experiences. It is almost divine to witness a group of women who unburden themselves and have a good time. You can't get that type of feeling with the opposite sex.
They help defy stereotypes: Nothing beats having a group of formidable and reliable female friends. It is so empowering to know that you have a tribe of people who are like you, have faced similar struggles and are thriving regardless.
It helps narrow the narrative that women never want each other to succeed or that we are materialistic and always seek male validation. Society already puts a lot of pressure on women so having each other’s back makes us stronger.
PIN THIS
Tips to maintain/ create Female Friendships
Check up on each other often: Attention is important, find a way to constantly communicate. It could be planning a trip, a zoom monthly check-in, occasional phone calls or texts etc.
I have a female friend that I really adore and we could spend hours talking on the phone and not run out of things to say, if I am not calling her, I am thinking of calling her. It feels too good. My best girls and I have a WhatsApp group called ‘’wives and girlfriends’’ it’s so important to me. It is a safe space where I can say anything and not be judged.
When something good or bad happens to me, the first place I want to share it is on that group; the crazy girls that are there probably don’t know how much they mean to me lol.
Learn to Engage with women both online and offline: Don’t only put yourself in a position to be toasted by guys, do that for women too. Meet them, show interest in their work, it matters. I met one of my most appreciated Female Friends at an event, I walked up to her and said hi and we got talking; now she is my G. There are so many instances I could give but you get the point.
Have you experienced any friendship drama? share the gist, please!
I do understand that some Females are daughters of Jezebel. It is not easy to handle the hurt and betrayal from female friends. Agh! It can pain. but the same goes for men. Scum has no gender. Don’t put the entire weight on women, female friendships are not a disaster.
There are still strong and supportive women who don’t gossip or compete for the attention of men. It is important for men and women to complement each other, after all, we share the world. I still maintain that nobody gets you like your own kind. Nobody gets a female like a female!
Do you have more female/male friends?
What is the reason for your preference?
Saturday 27 June 2020
IT IS NOT YOUR TIME TO DIE
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| Illustration by Petra Eriksson |
I have not posted in a while because life lately has been a lot to handle.
I have lost so many things these past few weeks that I am now convinced God is purposely giving me the decluttering I never knew I needed.
There has been news of death everywhere and it just left a sour taste in my mouth. I have asked all the questions from why do people die, to why do good people die, to why does death not have any sympathy.
My SD card woke up one morning and decided to clear itself. Something about it being corrupted. It didn't give any sign, it just up and cleared alongside tons of important photos and documents. I felt empty like I had lost time and memory. I had no clue whatsoever. I was numb.
Then I suddenly felt peace. Sometimes when you lose a part of you, it awakens a new side of you.
It makes you discover some kind of strength, gives you thick skin.
Losing someone or something can be painful but sometimes it's a wake-up call. To push you, to spur you, to encourage you.
When I lost those files. I realized how uncertain life can be, I learned caution and preparation. Let me use a cliche to explain it to you " do not put all your eggs in one basket." I have a 500GB hard drive, I have a laptop, what then stopped me from backing my files up?
Loss is so dynamic that sometimes you prepare and bad things still happen. Life is not Originals or witches of East end where you will be immortal or just cast a protection spell on yourself. Life is way more complicated than that. Sigh.
The most you can do is pray, build a relationship with God, and stay safe. Just do the needful.
When it comes to losing loved ones, I really don't have much to tell you except that time will make everything a lot easier, and clearer to you. Hang in there.
You will learn power and endurance. Your heart is very elastic, it can take more than you know, ask people who have lost people they thought they would never live without, some of them are still here living and strong.
This post is all over the place because that's exactly how I feel at the moment.
But know this, you have the power to rebuild, to recreate, to invent a new space. To move on. You can heal. You did not die because it is not your time to die, there is still work to be done.
COVID has taken a lot of people from us, to be honest, this year has been a lot from racism to rape to massacres but you are still here. You survived. It didn't get to you, even if it did, it didn't break you, even if it broke you, you can & will be fixed. So I will tell you to hold on because it will soon be over and everything good will come.
This poem by Lucille Clifton has been on my mind and lips lately, it is so timely, read below
Won't you celebrate with me
won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in Babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that every day
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.
Have you experienced loss before? How did you handle it? Are you scared of losing a loved one?
Tell me.
Monday 15 June 2020
CONFESSIONS OF A LOVESTRUCK LAD: Bob-Geff Odumegwu
IS THIS POETRY OR ATTEMPT TO MAKE LINES RHYME
Is this really poetry?
Or just an attempt to make lines rhyme?
I'm just trying to share my story freely
&
honestly
Tell a tale of an experience that was mine.
It's not about feminism or racism
Or any other important topic of discussion
But about the pangs of heartbreak,
It's spasms
&
the joy of a heart free from tension.
We were close in Senior High
The real thing, nothing highly sensual
We talked and laughed
such chemistry I can't deny
Because even now I know it was mutual.
One thing led to another
I called it quits
torn between decisions
I explained it had nothing to do with her
My inner conflicts were the cause of that condition.
Years later we got back in touch
Getting close again
I felt a lingering guilt
But
My love had more substance.
Call me old-fashioned or conservative
I never had a thing for social media
Felt it was mentally and socially degenerative
But for her
I got on Facebook with my little Nokia.
Love continued, like a sweet fairy tale
Our chats - a bit one-sided
I didn't really care.
"I don't chat much on Facebook, it's going stale"
Was her beauty blinding or was I just overlooking my fears?
'I'm in the area, are you around?'
"I'm not feeling well, maybe next time"
"Sorry
no problem, I could tell from your voice"
No need to ask which line was mine.
I was expecting an Android
I didn't tell her.
Me, anti-social media guy of yesterday.
Getting on WhatsApp felt cool ice cream
Smearing a burning desire
This chase had changed me.
I got my phone Oh God!
such happiness
Do I really need to charge it before use?
Impatience was a balm for past
pain & disappointment.
Deafened by joy and laughter
I couldn't hear the truth.
Three nights before
We had a long call
Romantic, reaffirming and love-sure
Is sitting on the fence always this sweet before the fall?
New to WhatsApp
She was first to receive my text
'Hello or whatever you say when you're new'
My naivety on the platform
wasn't covered by any pretext
"Sorry I can't do this"
(HOW!... HAHA MUST BE ANOTHER WICKED PRANK)
Shaking hands deleted my &
Opened a new one
Rattled, I apologized for going blank
Asked if she was serious
Because she could tell a mean joke.
Why?
A couple of heartrending chats later
Then an 'I owe you no explanation' that wasn't shy
Bold!
My WhatsApp experience was traumatized and shattered.
Six months I bled
Even prayed to not develop hate
At least I'm proud no one knew or heard
My painful ordeal or its wearing weight.
Was it payback? Was it karma?
I was not the best, clear fact
But I knew I deserved better.
I grew and healed
My heart was never bone
but it had really fractured
But I had changed
Never again would I be insulted 'immature'.
Long boring story short
Women are not scum, neither are men
Though we might have got hurt
We grow and we learn
My hurt is fading
&
the pain almost is gone
I am pretty much one of the coolest guys that'll come your way
If you ask if I've forgiven and moved on
I don't know till meet her again
So is this really poetry?
Or just an attempt to make lines rhyme?
Well, I'm just trying to share my story freely and honestly
To tell a tale of an experience
that was once mine.
_
_
This poem was written by Bob. If you have had a similar experience, please share in the comments. Bob will be there to chat with you.
Bio- I'm a blogger and a mobile photographer. I want to share my art, views and perspectives with the world and interact with as many other wonderful ones as well. I'm also interested in traveling, anime and food of all kinds and cultures. I'm genuinely interested in people, healthy relations and self-improvement. You are sure to expect a wonderful and different experience with me.
Visit www.blog3bstyle.blogspot.com for my content
My IG handle - bobgeoffrey2
Cheers guys
Thursday 11 June 2020
10 INSTAGRAM PAGES YOU SHOULD FOLLOW TO BOOST YOUR CREATIVITY
I am sure you've probably heard the "you are always pressing your phone" talk from either friend or family.
I mean, you should really cut down on your screen time because let's be honest if you are not making money or being productive with your phone, why spend so much time on it( this is the part where you look at me and say look who is talking lol) because all of us are on this table.
Well, I spend a lot of time on Instagram and it has really helped to squeeze creative juices out of me, I am more than grateful for it.
Here are Instagram pages that offer value and BOOST your creativity
OLOTU FUNKE
This page will teach you everything from female empowerment to body positivity, skincare, branding, photography tips, and much more. You can't visit her page and not learn something to improve your wellbeing or brand. Her blog is even more amazing. I am not exaggerating when I say I visit olotufunke.com every day. She embodies womanhood in a way that gives courage. It is too awesome.
SALEM KING
Salem is the great teacher, his page is such an inspiration. He gives you valuable information without mincing words. The only motivational speaker I know who doesn't do acquire to expire to retire. If you want tips on how to grow and be a better human being and you like fried yam. Follow Salem!
I have seen salem summarize in a one minute video what someone couldn't do in 10 minutes. Salem is the truth, creating content that respects your time and is worth your while.
TRIBECALLEDENA
This tribe was founded by Everythingnaart All I will say is follow this page and join the community! I became more intentional about blogging and trying to grow my Instagram by following this instagram page. You get to meet and connect with creators doing amazing things with their creativity, you receive job alerts, useful Emails with free resources and Ebooks, now how cool is that. Ok I am going to stop here! #enatribe rocks. I am proud triber.
EVERYTHINGNAART
She is the founder of tribecalledena. Her page is a whole institution, what! She inspires me to fuel my passion for media and content creation. Amin is a content creator per excellence. You cannot follow her page and not be rebranded. You get video and app recommendations, tutorials, hacks and tips for growth on social media( not just Instagram) and lots more. She has a cute son goodjoyayo who would give you live nuggets that will blow your mind. I love him!
THE BLACK WRITER
The black writer is a Christian creative, a brand storyteller, and a social media strategist per excellence among other things. She is a perfect definition of a lifestyle influencer. Her page is literally a form of healing, you visit it and you suddenly want to glorify God with your creativity.
She sends amazing letters, free Ebooks, and offers free phone call bookings just to pray with you and advice you( I am getting emotional) This is what I call premium content with divine approval, Follow her! Don't be slacking.
HEROATSBOAL
Follow this amazing page created by the amazing Asakemi if you want to see how oat meal transforms into all forms of deliciousness. This page make ditch ice cream and candy for oat meal. She is my Oat making inspiration, she has other sumptuous recipes on her Instagram page. If you are vegan she has the right meal plan for you. Asakemi is her personal page and it explores nature and minimalism at it's finest.
Hisbrownpoet
I can't even scream this enough, this page will teach you that 'Nah, I can't afford to be mediocre' her editing skills are top-notch and her captions are fire. She is an amazing writer, so follow her page for details on how to get her book. I love how I see Europe because I see them through her photos. She is fashion, style, travel, poetry & photography personified. I love her and you will too.
SIAINSTYLE
She is all things vintage, fashion and style. Follow her for style, photography and editing tips. Her put together is just so crisp, curated and unique I love it.
Visit her blog at siainstyle.com then share your testimony because you will testify.
LAURETTAHAMZA
I discovered lauretta when she was the community manager for tribecalledena and since then I have simply adored her. Her voice caught my attention during her tutorials on the tribes page. I have not regretted following. She is doing amazing things in health and technology. She is selfless and goal-driven in a way that will inspire you.
If you are into anything health, tech or media related Lauretta is your plug. She is the E.D for the Chsscheme, a youth led organization that fortifies health systems in marginalized communities.
If you are into anything health, tech or media related Lauretta is your plug. She is the E.D for the Chsscheme, a youth led organization that fortifies health systems in marginalized communities.
THE DIGITAL TINKER
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This page will teach you everything you need to know about boosting your Instagram engagement, creating quality content by providing and simplifying the use of various apps and websites. This page is literally a gold mine. When I am confused on how to use any app , create a graphic design, or video content. I ask the digital thinker and you should too.
This is the end, thank you for coming to my ted talk, now you can press phone with your chest and not feel guilty for not being productive because these pages offer value.
Follow them if you aren't already, recommend other amazing page's in the comments and when you follow, tell them you are from here. Cheers!
Do you think Instagram is a distraction?
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