FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE A DISASTER!

Female friendships are vital
Illustration by Reyna Noriega

I feel like if I say happy new month you will not respond because this is almost mid-July and it's been a hot minute since I posted.  I sincerely do not know where the days are racing to, but we move.  This post was birthed from a conversation I had with a friend. 

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I noticed something interesting about my life( so this post is purely born out of personal experience) About 80 per cent of the emotional, physical and financial support I receive come from the women in my life. It made me so glad to be able to squash the ‘’women don’t support women narrative.’’  My friend believes that Female Friendships are a disaster and that it comes with so much baggage.
Female friends over male friends


I know a lot of females who would rather have male friends as close friends or keep more male friends. This is because according to them, women are too much drama. There is unnecessary competition over male attention; there are disagreements that last longer than they are supposed to. Guys just punch each other and get it over with. It is just different for women.


While I admit that some of these are true, I maintain, that to a large extent female friendships are a necessity. I can't speak so much for male friendships, it doesn't receive the type of backlash female friendships receive, even though, the ‘’bro code’’ is a concept I strongly suggest should be re-examined as it is becoming a haven for the unsafe and unacceptable behaviours of men. We will rant this rant another day.

Why Female Friendships are Important



They can simply relate in a way male friends can’t: when you go through stuff as a girl/ woman both physically and emotionally, you want empathy and not sympathy, in that you need someone who not only understands how you feel but has felt that way too.  E.g. you can’t even explain cramps to yourself - the pain is like your entire reproductive organs are at war and the weapons of the warfare are pepper, hair clips and a grinding machine -  let alone to your male friends.

How do you tell someone who doesn’t have breasts that your breasts feel heavy or uncomfortable sometimes? I don’t know about you but I like it when my sorry comes with an ‘’I feel you’’ type of support.  

Female friendships are valuable


They are less judgemental:  Hold on, before you bite me. There are some emotions you feel that make you take some decisions and actions that you end up regretting.  You need someone with a mind as dynamic as your own to understand this behaviour.

Think of the heart to heart talk you have with your female friends, it’s like an unravelling, you explore things that are deeply personal, you literally feel the connection in the conversation. There is a kind of vulnerability and acceptance that you receive; it is a different kind of vibe. 

If you went to a boarding school remember those nights that you gather in a circle and just share experiences. It is almost divine to witness a group of women who unburden themselves and have a good time. You can't get that type of feeling with the opposite sex.


They help defy stereotypes:  Nothing beats having a group of formidable and reliable female friends. It is so empowering to know that you have a tribe of people who are like you, have faced similar struggles and are thriving regardless.

It helps narrow the narrative that women never want each other to succeed or that we are materialistic and always seek male validation.  Society already puts a lot of pressure on women so having each other’s back makes us stronger. 

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Why female friendships are important


Tips to maintain/ create Female Friendships



Check up on each other often: Attention is important, find a way to constantly communicate.  It could be planning a trip, a zoom monthly check-in, occasional phone calls or texts etc.

I have a female friend that I really adore and we could spend hours talking on the phone and not run out of things to say, if I am not calling her, I am thinking of calling her. It feels too good.  My best girls and I have a WhatsApp group called ‘’wives and girlfriends’’ it’s so important to me. It is a safe space where I can say anything and not be judged.

When something good or bad happens to me, the first place I want to share it is on that group; the crazy girls that are there probably don’t know how much they mean to me lol. 


Illustration by Reyna Noriega
Learn to Engage with women both online and offline:  Don’t only put yourself in a position to be toasted by guys, do that for women too. Meet them, show interest in their work, it matters. I met one of my most appreciated Female Friends at an event, I walked up to her and said hi and we got talking; now she is my G. There are so many instances I could give but you get the point. 

Have you experienced any friendship drama? share the gist, please!


I do understand that some Females are daughters of Jezebel. It is not easy to handle the hurt and betrayal from female friends. Agh! It can pain. but the same goes for men. Scum has no gender. Don’t put the entire weight on women, female friendships are not a disaster.

There are still strong and supportive women who don’t gossip or compete for the attention of men.  It is important for men and women to complement each other, after all, we share the world. I still maintain that nobody gets you like your own kind. Nobody gets a female like a female!

Do you have more female/male friends? 

What is the reason for your preference?


9 comments

  1. Nice post.... Sometimes female friendships look fake... the exaggerated greetings and everything.. you watch them talk about these same friends and you shudder at the things they say about them

    Some female roomies even cook with different Gas in the same room

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    1. I want to see your point but girls have a way of relating and uplifting each other, I don't something as simple as greeting should be taken out of context. Like it's just greeting whether I scream from the rooftops or not. Secondly cooking with different gas cookers in the same kitchen or room doesn't connote spite or break the sister hood.it's your gas freggin cooker. I have a roommate and we cook separately. We can lend gas cookers to each other when necessary too lol. I don't stan gossips and sadly there are lots of them both male and female. Lol

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  2. Personally, I come from a field of study where complex topics such as ovulation, cramps, breast pain and stuffs like that are normal to me irrespective of gender. Now I get where you're coming from when you talk about being able to relate but truthfully most women don't even understand why certain things happen to their bodies and really most times it's more about being able to understand than relate and I think to some certain extent the male gender in my life can do that, the females too. I totally agree with you when you say female friends are a necessity, I have friends that when I'm in need of help they'll come running so i do think that stereotype is canceled. The whole gisting concept is more comfortable when it's with your fellow girls, there's a different type of joy attached to it but I also think that being able to connect with someone on a deeper level comes from a totally different place of experience. I feel why the jealousy and hate is tailored towards our fellow girls is because we understand each other and know ourselves well more than the other gender ever will. If I'm overly dramatic I expect the next girl to be the same, if I tend to get jealous easily I'll be wary of my neighbor next door and so on. I think to a certain degree I have equal male and female friends because they all have their roles in my life. I mean what could be better than having different people with different understanding of different things

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    1. I want to frame this comment...oh lord..
      Everything is so apt. Of course a male gynaecologist will understand female dynamics more than an average female. So when I made the comment about reliability i am viewing it on a day to day friend to friend basis. Your last sentence is poetry!!!!

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  3. Beautiful post my darling!! True talk

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  4. Roseline 😭. Can I first of all scream about how you are ever-evolving??? You've grown so much in your skill and talent and I honestly love to see it.
    I have more female friends than male. Infact I think I have less than 5 make friends, and by friends I mean people I talk to more than 3 times a year💀. That's partly because I don't have a lot of friends in general. My female friends aren't that much more than the male and a greater percentage of them are childhood friends. So making and keeping friends isn't really my Forte. But from past experiences I don't really believe that there are men there who just want to be friends with you and not just get into your pants or have some other deeper relationship. I know they exist, I've heard stories, but most times these men you're good friends with now either asked you out before and got rejected, actually had a relationship with you and it didn't work out, or even just thought about you in that way once or more. So it's hard to believe where concern is coming from when it comes to men, I'm almost always sure that they want something else. You don't get that with women, well, straight women.

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  5. I have to say ,
    I feel less of a woman after reading this mehn ,hahahha.
    Its all good tho.
    This is something i guess struggle with...
    Well struggle is an extreme word but you get the point.
    I don't have cramps or anything but i have experienced it before tho....for like few minutes or something.
    So there's nothing i'm discussing with a female about periods trust me.
    I have noticed something weird tho, i spoke about my jealousy (strong word) for females who have period pains with a male friend and they thought i was crazy. They said i should be lucky and bla bla bla which i am- lets not get it twisted, i guess what i'm trying to say is the guy will never really understand "my madness" for feeling left out and same goes to me when it comes to females talking about it.
    Anywaysssss,
    I don't even know why i ramble on about cramps hahahah.
    I guess my point here is this, balance is needed for both genders. I'm not saying if you have six males friends then you should have six female friends, no.
    I'm saying if you have 5 male friends, its great to have female friends too. Balance it out.


    .....mehn i talk too much.
    Byeeeee

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    1. I laughed so hard reading this and I understand your point to be honest. Balance is key. As for you not having cramps how does it feel to be Jesus favourite.

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