Heal: You can't get even with everybody!


How to heal

 I ask because I have stalled on this subject and I found that it is deeper than cuts, burns, open wounds etc. I am talking about the kind of healing that comes from within, the kind that gives you this freedom and weightlessness that is almost orgasmic, now I don’t mean sexual healing( it is part of it, I am just not the go-to person for that subject) so I am speaking  of spiritual healing, one that comes from the within, from the heart, it’s a mental thing.

It is impossible to talk about this kind of healing without forgiveness, see grudge is like an open wound that exists internally, you continue to bleed inside till your blood becomes stale and your body turns grey maybe not physically but something dies inside of you when you don’t lay aside every weight. I watched a video online and I heard a woman rant about how she had been duped by her husband and how she suffered for years due to the loss, what struck me was her response when she was asked If she had forgiven him, she looked the camera in the eye and she said ‘’I will never forgive him till I die."

I get that it is hard but we have so much normalised resentment to the point that we feel it comes from a place of power but the truth is forgiveness is really an attribute of the strong and there is nothing powerful about holding pain captive. Funny thing is you are the one carrying the burden, for all you know the offender has moved on and you are still here sulking.

What does it mean to heal?

To heal means to become sound and healthy again and it is not even an easy task, everybody has something they need to heal from and sadly it may be little things, your friend spoke to you rudely and forgot to apologise, you feel your parents are not treating you right, you just got out of a bad  relationship etc, truth is some of us are out here yelling I am over it! It’s not that deep! I have moved on! but we both know that’s a lie that studied abroad.

Sometimes we claim to have forgiven yet we secretly nurse the idea for an opportunity to show ourselves. If given a chance we would retaliate as per let me give them a taste of their own medicine. On a lighter note I remember fondly a time when my friend finished a drink we were to meant to share (Capri Sonne(strawberry flavour) to be precise.

I was looking forward to drinking this chilled yumminess because who doesn't like Capri Sonne.

She was sipping this thing with so much energy and I just thought no she can't possibly finish it , she might just be ravenously drinking her share but behold and lo I heard the "krr krr" sound as she squeezed the hell out of this juice. I was really thirsty.
 I remember just feeling ah! my friend, I love you but I must do my own. That scenario may just sound fleeting or trivial and Indeed it was. we genuinely laughed about it but this is how we often react to bigger situations.

we say I forgive you but I pray I get the chance to retaliate so that we can be even but if you get even with everybody you can't beat the odds. It is just vain and self deceitful to hold back while claiming to have let go. People will intentionally hurt you and you must let go because hurt people hurt other people and it raises a generation of broken people.

 So dear Capri Sonne snatching friend if I ever finish a drink meant for both of us do know that it will not be intentional and l am not retaliating or hurting, it will truly be a friendly gesture with a sprinkle of tough love Haq Haq Haq.

Healing does not mean a return to the original state, it is simply accepting to move on despite the limitation. There are physically challenged people who have become great today but they are still physically challenged then there are physically challenged people who continue complaining and falling in and out of depression-like it is some treasure hunt, yes people are different but sometimes it is the choice that makes the difference.

 Where does healing start 

 Healing starts from the mind and if you can’t close that portal of anger or revenge in your mind there will be no open doors for you in reality. Healing is different from curing, you can cure without healing but you cannot heal without curing. Curing is removing evidence of the disease, the hurt, pain, etc but healing is to be made whole. Biblical example; when Jesus took leprosy from the 10 lepers, they left and only one came back to give thanks and Jesus said ‘’ Rise and go thy faith has made thee whole” why did he say that if healing and curing were the same things? Basically, 9 were cured and only one was healed. When you are healed everything about you is intact, preserved and prosperous. This is not a sermon so  go read Luke chapter 17:11-19

Jesus asked, “Weren’t all ten healed? Where are the other nine? Didn’t anyone else return and give praise to God except this outsider?”
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up and go. Your faith has healed you.”
 Healing is deeper and must always come from within. So forgive yourself, heal! yes you are getting old and you want to be young and getting it, yes you may not be doing well in school, yes you don’t have money, life will always happen but heal so that you can move on. What we do most times is temporary we just cure the situation and it only lasts a while that’s why people keep getting sad and depressed over one particular issue.


I don’t know if I was coherent enough but learn now that nobody owns your happiness, learn to be thankful and forgive and forget, yes you can forget! Forgetting doesn’t mean your brain will go blank it just means you are mature enough to open up a new chapter without flipping through the previous one. Give that person another chance in your heart.

Give yourself another chance and if you fail today, heal and start again, now take two minutes to think of that friend or family member or anybody you vowed not to forgive or you partly forgave, you may not call them or anything just take a deep breath and say ‘’I let go’’ free them and free yourself! Take back your peace of mind.

Read Titilope Sonuga's How to heal a wound I think it's amazing 


  1. This is the most amazing piece I ever read.Way to go babe!


    this wonderful wonder,you know how to talk sense into someone's life. This entire blogpost is phenomenal but some parts of it resonated with me. "There's nothing powerful about holding hurt captive" couldn't have been better put. When you said that healing isn't about returning to the original state but about moving past limitation, I felt that shit in my womb. Then your Biblical example really hit home. I've never thought of it that way! You're a gem I'm grateful to have in my life.
    Someone I love really hurt me and I had no way to retaliate so I vowed not to go for this person's wedding whenever it comes. But guess who just said "I let go" and started thinking of asoebi styles? This girl! 😂.
    This is a long comment but it's not even enough to give this all the praise. Kudos babe!

    1. Made me smiley and teary! Buy selfie stick you will look fab at that wedding

  3. Rose....This piece is amazing. Nothing short of phenomenonal....you always know how to connect deeply.

    Keep it up

  4. Rossy this piece is just out of this world...
    Nice piece many really need this because they don't even know why they are overly angry at someone else's success why they are always depressed and all
    Wow i love this piece it's a master piece ������

  5. Gosh! this made me roll on my bed with laughter(the capri sonne story). I love how u confront real life issues and tell people not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.p.s I hope u hv forgiven your capri sonne friend I am sure she is really really sorry.

    1. It's inside joke that's why your laughing! You know how we roll..lol...ah she is my sweetheart now and she knows

  6. Gosh! this made me roll on my bed with laughter(the capri sonne story). I love how u confront real life issues and tell people not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.p.s I hope u hv forgiven your capri sonne friend I am sure she is really really sorry.

  7. Emaah has said all i wanted to. the parts that hit her, hit me more. Also where you said that we create temporary solutions and end up falling back. So true, so common. i love this piece roseline. it really sank in

  8. I have question and opinions

    1. How do you know you have truly healed. You said sometimes we find a temporary solotuion. how do you know the solution is temporary

    2. how long does it take to heal.

    3. I think sometimes we need to get even to heal and let go. To find some sort of closure requires you being at ease. If i was sexually molested or my loved one was, and the scumbag is living his best life, i cannot wish him/her well. it will be difficult to let go while seeing him triumph in his immorality. maybe if i was stolen from, cheated on, probably! My point : sometimes, not all things and ills done to you can be healed from. it can be forgoteen, you can talk about it and not show weak emotions, but it is something that will hold you back for a very long time. Even if you do heal, it will take nearly a decade, at least

    1. You know when you are truly healed when there is no resentment left in your heart and you acknowledge your pain understand that it not a limitation. Temporary solutions make you feel worse after eg drinking or physically hurting yourself. It time to heal every body heals at a different pace. Closure is not getting Even.you don't stop pain more pain. Someone is molested it is not possible get even except you want to rape rapist. The only thing you can get is justice that can help you heal. Forgiving forgetting is a step to healing. Healing is a process. When you take an inch acknowledge it!


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